I feel like my life is one big puzzle.....vibrant of color, depths within that catch your eye, areas that may surprise you, but also there are missing pieces that keep me from finishing the current picture so I can move on to new pictures.
Those missing pieces are important to the overall beauty of the picture. It isn't as though I expect my life to be perfect each and every moment, but the missing parts are apparent and make huge holes in what could be a current, complete picture of me and my life.
In my puzzple picture, you'd see my girls....growing and becoming incredible women that I am so proud of. You'd find pictures of my furry kids who enhance and create such a loving place for me. There would be a picture of my desk at work, where I spend so much of my time. Closets full of shoes and clothing would no doubt be found. A tiny colorful corner you'd find all my makeup, so important to what makes me feel beautiful on the outside. My puzzle would include special places for those who have passed on as they are in my thoughts daily. Beautiful landscapes like Mt. Rainier and the beautiful mountains in the distance create beauty in my world. The part of the puzzle where my heart is located has a huge pieces missing. Inside that piece is where my trust and belief lives. It's gone and without it, the picture isn't complete.
I don't know where to find the missing pieces. They are so important to the whole picture.....I'm just at a loss. I know who possess the missing pieces...I'm just not sure how to get them back.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Friday, May 24, 2013
Memorial Weekend, already?
I'm pretty sure that looking at the weather outside, it CAN'T be the last weekend of May. It's chilly, cloudy and rainy. So what if it's Seattle. I know, it rains here all the time. But that's really not the truth and this time of year always proves to be pleasant.
We're not planning a camping trip or heading to some fun destination. We're actually planning a couple of short, day trips to explore our area a bit more. I love the spontenaity of just driving to see something new. We're breaking out the "Wierd Washington" book and see if we can cross some more places off the list. I've heard a lighthouse is on the list of places to see....my favorite!
So as summer starts, the white clothes emerge, here are my favorite things about summer.....just cuz I can't think of anything else to say.....there's only so many ways to say "the weather sucks right now."
Flip flops, the beach, iced coffee, sun dresses, longer days, daisies, road trips, 4th of July, and iced-cold beer.
Come on Summer!!
We're not planning a camping trip or heading to some fun destination. We're actually planning a couple of short, day trips to explore our area a bit more. I love the spontenaity of just driving to see something new. We're breaking out the "Wierd Washington" book and see if we can cross some more places off the list. I've heard a lighthouse is on the list of places to see....my favorite!
So as summer starts, the white clothes emerge, here are my favorite things about summer.....just cuz I can't think of anything else to say.....there's only so many ways to say "the weather sucks right now."
Flip flops, the beach, iced coffee, sun dresses, longer days, daisies, road trips, 4th of July, and iced-cold beer.
Come on Summer!!
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Not sure how to feel.....
I am sitting here both shocked and so deeply saddened by this. I have such a mixed set of emotions that I am not sure what to think or even to put into words what this news brings. So many years ago his very irrational act of violence too...k away one of the most important people in my life, scarred many people, and changed the lives of everyone I loved. My girls will never know my sister, Betsy Chasko, I was robbed of any memories passed the day she was killed. Yet my parents strived to find forgiveness and try to somehow understand why this tragic event happened to my 16 year old sister and to anyone who knew her. I learned so much for their ability to forgive...not because the person who killed her asked or necessarily deserved it, but because it meant they could find true peace and move on the best you can.
No one wanted this person to spend years behind bars for a careless act of a young person who had so many horrible thing happen in his 17 years. It's good to know he went on to help and make a positive impact on young people. There is justice outside of a courtroom.
I'm so sad tonight.....sadly reminded of how much I've missed my sister.....but so much more sad that there are grieving loved ones who lost someone important to them. Twenty-seven years is a long time to learn and grow from Betsy's death.....but looking into the eyes of the person that ended her time here on earth is also so painful. Prayers for him, his loved ones and for family who waits for me in heaven. His obit:
Charles Patrick Stark
St. George
Charles Patrick Stark passed away May 10, 2013. He was born April 8, 1969. Patrick is survived by his two children, Wulfric and Wilder Stark of Gunnison, CO; his mother, Patricia C. Stark of Longmont, CO; and his sister, Allison V. Stark of Evanston, IL.
Patrick received his doctorate degree in Behavioral Neuroscience at the University of Colorado in 2001. He has taught at colleges and universities since that time. He was currently an Associate Professor at Dixie State College.
Along with the challenges of teaching, he enjoyed rock and ice climbing, camping, fly fishing, rafting, hiking, skiing and generally being in the outdoors. He spent hundreds of hours on his sail boat, loved to read, and played acoustic and electric guitar. Philosophy was one of his favorite topics. He loved his kids and girlfriend, Aryssa Fairless. He taught both children to ski and took them "climbing" from an early age.
Patrick's remains are being transported back to Colorado after cremation. The family plans to have a "Celebrate Pat's Life" get together out of Boulder, Colorado, sometime later this summer. If you wish to be contacted as to the time and place, please contact Patricia Stark, 303-702-9129 after May 17, 2013. All donations in his memory should be sent to the Outward Bound School in Denver, CO, infor@cobs.org.
Arrangements are made under the direction of Spilsbury Mortuary, (435) 673-2454. Friends and family are invited to sign Patrick's guestbook at www.spilsburymortuary.com.
No one wanted this person to spend years behind bars for a careless act of a young person who had so many horrible thing happen in his 17 years. It's good to know he went on to help and make a positive impact on young people. There is justice outside of a courtroom.
I'm so sad tonight.....sadly reminded of how much I've missed my sister.....but so much more sad that there are grieving loved ones who lost someone important to them. Twenty-seven years is a long time to learn and grow from Betsy's death.....but looking into the eyes of the person that ended her time here on earth is also so painful. Prayers for him, his loved ones and for family who waits for me in heaven. His obit:
St. George
Charles Patrick Stark passed away May 10, 2013. He was born April 8, 1969. Patrick is survived by his two children, Wulfric and Wilder Stark of Gunnison, CO; his mother, Patricia C. Stark of Longmont, CO; and his sister, Allison V. Stark of Evanston, IL.
Patrick received his doctorate degree in Behavioral Neuroscience at the University of Colorado in 2001. He has taught at colleges and universities since that time. He was currently an Associate Professor at Dixie State College.
Along with the challenges of teaching, he enjoyed rock and ice climbing, camping, fly fishing, rafting, hiking, skiing and generally being in the outdoors. He spent hundreds of hours on his sail boat, loved to read, and played acoustic and electric guitar. Philosophy was one of his favorite topics. He loved his kids and girlfriend, Aryssa Fairless. He taught both children to ski and took them "climbing" from an early age.
Patrick's remains are being transported back to Colorado after cremation. The family plans to have a "Celebrate Pat's Life" get together out of Boulder, Colorado, sometime later this summer. If you wish to be contacted as to the time and place, please contact Patricia Stark, 303-702-9129 after May 17, 2013. All donations in his memory should be sent to the Outward Bound School in Denver, CO, infor@cobs.org.
Arrangements are made under the direction of Spilsbury Mortuary, (435) 673-2454. Friends and family are invited to sign Patrick's guestbook at www.spilsburymortuary.com.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Not what I expected....
I guess it's a good thing I handle change as well as I do. Or at least "appear" to handle it. I think I internalize a lot more than people think. While I know I'm a "wear it on my sleeve" kind of girl, there's so much I do keep inside. But my childhood vagabond type lifestyle that my parents created has left me with the ability to just roll with the flow. (at least better than some people)
On April 1, not only did I have yet another birthday, we learned we had to move from our rented house. Okay, so we'd been considering moving anyway but this forced us into "we have to find a new place to live" mode. It was okay. I think we were both ready.
Then Jager hurt his back again. We knew what to do and sprung into action. Off to the chiropractor we went and started his adjustments ASAP. We prayed and hoped that the same thing that happened last year would happen again. The first couple of adjustments seemed to help, but then he stopped moving all together and any type of touch hurt him. This was different and we didn't know what to do. We thought taking a break from the adjustments for a few days would give his back the chance to relax. He continued to worsen. My heart hurt from the thought that he was in pain or that he'd never be himself again. Or close to it. When he stopped using his front paws, we knew this injury was far worse than the first one.
He continued to deteroiorate and we prayed but knew what path Jager was on. For a couple of days we put him in the safety and warmth of the bathroom with his brother Dack, hoping that his being there would comfort him and that if he passed away, at least he wouldn't be alone. The first evening we came home, Dack was snuggled up to him, but Jager was totally paralized. His eyes we fixed and he didn't seem to notice that it was "us." This was on Friday evening. We both decided that if by morning stubborn little Jager was still breathing, we'd take him to the vet and end his suffering. Such a hard decision to make but we felt we loved him enough to make the choice. We placed him on a dog bed, covered him and tried to make him comfortable. I held him, talked to him, and told him that if it was hit time, I wanted him to go. I said "I love you Mr. Minooti" and went to bed.
At 6:15am the next morning I jolted awake and ran out to the living room to check on Jager and he seemed to be having a hard time breathing. Walter said he'd checked on him several times during the night but this was the first he'd seen him doing this. I picked him up, cradled him and spoke to him. I knew he didn't know I was there but I asked him "what's going on?" He took two breaths and died. He waited for me to get up to go. How amazing and heartbreaking it was. My boy waited for me.
He's since been cremated and his ashes scattered on Mt.Rainier. Every time Mother Nature allows us to see the mountain, I am reminded of my special little friend and it makes me smile.
A week later, we moved into a quaint little apartment in Tacoma. Always a believer that things happen for a reason, I have tried hard to embrace this move and see all the good it has to offer. Closer to everything, especially work. Angus goes to Doggie Daycare, which has allowed everyone to get more sleep at night. Smaller space, smaller messes. We're all adjusting and it feels good.
I still have the small cloud floating over my head because of what Walt did just a few months ago, but it's easier to deal with I think. At least it's easier to express my anger and feelings to him because he's more receptive to them. Maybe it's his fear of losing me but he tolerates my moods and roller coaster feelings. I love him for that, just the same.
Life goes on. I do miss my boy so much, and I can tell the other friends do as well. Especially Dack. A new chapter is what we called our 15th anniversary on May 2nd. We'll see.
On April 1, not only did I have yet another birthday, we learned we had to move from our rented house. Okay, so we'd been considering moving anyway but this forced us into "we have to find a new place to live" mode. It was okay. I think we were both ready.
Then Jager hurt his back again. We knew what to do and sprung into action. Off to the chiropractor we went and started his adjustments ASAP. We prayed and hoped that the same thing that happened last year would happen again. The first couple of adjustments seemed to help, but then he stopped moving all together and any type of touch hurt him. This was different and we didn't know what to do. We thought taking a break from the adjustments for a few days would give his back the chance to relax. He continued to worsen. My heart hurt from the thought that he was in pain or that he'd never be himself again. Or close to it. When he stopped using his front paws, we knew this injury was far worse than the first one.
He continued to deteroiorate and we prayed but knew what path Jager was on. For a couple of days we put him in the safety and warmth of the bathroom with his brother Dack, hoping that his being there would comfort him and that if he passed away, at least he wouldn't be alone. The first evening we came home, Dack was snuggled up to him, but Jager was totally paralized. His eyes we fixed and he didn't seem to notice that it was "us." This was on Friday evening. We both decided that if by morning stubborn little Jager was still breathing, we'd take him to the vet and end his suffering. Such a hard decision to make but we felt we loved him enough to make the choice. We placed him on a dog bed, covered him and tried to make him comfortable. I held him, talked to him, and told him that if it was hit time, I wanted him to go. I said "I love you Mr. Minooti" and went to bed.
At 6:15am the next morning I jolted awake and ran out to the living room to check on Jager and he seemed to be having a hard time breathing. Walter said he'd checked on him several times during the night but this was the first he'd seen him doing this. I picked him up, cradled him and spoke to him. I knew he didn't know I was there but I asked him "what's going on?" He took two breaths and died. He waited for me to get up to go. How amazing and heartbreaking it was. My boy waited for me.
He's since been cremated and his ashes scattered on Mt.Rainier. Every time Mother Nature allows us to see the mountain, I am reminded of my special little friend and it makes me smile.
A week later, we moved into a quaint little apartment in Tacoma. Always a believer that things happen for a reason, I have tried hard to embrace this move and see all the good it has to offer. Closer to everything, especially work. Angus goes to Doggie Daycare, which has allowed everyone to get more sleep at night. Smaller space, smaller messes. We're all adjusting and it feels good.
I still have the small cloud floating over my head because of what Walt did just a few months ago, but it's easier to deal with I think. At least it's easier to express my anger and feelings to him because he's more receptive to them. Maybe it's his fear of losing me but he tolerates my moods and roller coaster feelings. I love him for that, just the same.
Life goes on. I do miss my boy so much, and I can tell the other friends do as well. Especially Dack. A new chapter is what we called our 15th anniversary on May 2nd. We'll see.
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