Back in Montana....

It's been kind of wierd being back in Montana. It's been a long time. I'm amazed at how big Great Falls has gotten in the last 20 years.

My friendship with Heidi continues to grow. She's an incredible person, and her family rocks! We've been working and laughing a lot. It's made this whole situation bearable. I'm so blessed.

Just a week to go and Walt will be here to pick us up. I am so excited. This separation has been so hard.

Still haven't heard from Noel. I guess I pissed her off.....if you can dish it, you should be able to take it too.....oh well.

Lord, thank you for great and caring friends; thank you for a loving husband who wants only the best for our family; thank you for bringing me this far....amen.

changes

Yup, this is me driving a uhaul truck pulling our car....and that's me today after I cut off all my hair. Lots of changing going on.

Thanks to a good friend, I got out of that awful motel, and I am staying in Great Falls, MT until Walt comes to pick me up on the 3rd of September. Amazing. What generosity and caring this friends has. We are so blessed. I was able to keep all of us together, and we're safe and happy here in MT.

Sad note: Roscoe escaped during the loading of the uhaul....nowhere to be found....hoping for a miracle. I miss my Scoe a lot.

Working with Heidi has been fun and helpful. Tomorrow we train my first client....then the fun really begins. Working on Sunday to get extra hours before the end of the month.

It's been an exciting week that's for sure. I'm ready for some down time....this separation from Walt to be over, to see my girls are so long......and to get back to a normal life again.

God, thank you for all the many blessings I have in my life...for good people who have kind and giving hearts.....for my family who loves me....for friends who are supportive....Amen.

Upward and onward

So I get to keep the new client.....move forward, and launch my first customer. I'm still nervous as hell, but excited too.

Today went by so fast. I was actually busy.......helps so much.

Now it's the evening, and I am reminded I am alone. I hate this. Really, really hate it. It has got to change, and soon.

Almost the weekend......

Such excitement....

It was an interesting day. I got my first client today......not sure how it's going to turn out since it seems there are some issues with training....but I got my first client.....it's kind of exciting and sort of nerve racking at the same time.

And I got laundry done today. My first paycheck arrived....so I celebrated by doing laundry. You know you're poor and/or bored when you're excited to do laundry at the laundry mat. At least it's done......

I am just so tired of being here......being here alone......dealing with this by myself......and missing Walt so much. I hope and pray this all ends soon, and I can be in WA.

Praying for a good day tomorrow....busy enough to keep my mind busy and one day closer to being with Walt.....

God give me the strength and patience......amen.

It's been a whole week

I have survived the first week without Walter here. Certainly a week ago I'd have said there wouldn't be any way I could be ok with being alone.....but I've adjusted better than expected.

That doesn't mean I don't have moments of sad tears or missing Walt so much it hurts.....I've had plenty of those. But the dogs and I have fallen into a routine of walking and sleeping.....with work in the middle. I don't know what I'd do without them here.....they fill the void.

I am on call this weekend for the "help desk". That's another mystery. ME a help desk person?? So far, knock on wood, nothing.

Walt is out looking at apartments for us. I hope he finds something nice. We want so much for this move to happen and for all of us to be together. Life needs to move forward.

Here's praying for a good weekend with no problems at work. It's going to be a busy week with working the tier (help desk) for 5 hours per day. I don't know if I am going to like it at all.

God, please continue to watch over me and over Walter. Please reunite us soon. Amen.

Long day

The dogs woke me up at 4am.....it has been a long day.

Work is a challenge. I have been informed that I am working the customer service tier.....aka the help desk. Not only am I working the weekend on call, I am doing it three days a week. This is NOT what I signed up for. For now, I am going to roll with it. I am going to try. But if this keeps up, I won't be able to go on.

The dogs are doing relatively well. After the fiasco with Jager the other day, he's been behaving and waiting for his turn to walk.

I sure miss Walt.....I hope things work out so that I can get out of the smelly ass room.

Just sayin'.....

A Good Day

No major breakdowns today. It surprises me. I've felt sad and felt lonely, but I've not broken down at all. Maybe I can learn to deal with this until Walt comes to get me.

Worked 5 hours today. Feels like 10 hours though. So much upheaval going on with exactly what I am going to be doing long term. Everyone wants me to train with them. I have no clue what I'm going to be doing. I'm lost LOL

Trying to get into a routine of walking the dogs at least three times a day. They haven't been that bad. Yesterday's race through the parking lot after Jager ended in his behaving a bit better today. He can't be darting off through this busy parking lot going who knows where. I hope I can adjust and they continue to do well.

Missing Walt more than I can even say. I hate being alone. The daytime - no so bad since I'm busy with work.....evenings are awful. I hope I don't have to do this for very long.

Hopes: unemployment comes through - Walt finds us a place to live (having the unemployment would sure help expedite that!!) - job smooths out - I get good sleep at night - dogs continue to behave so I don't go mad - weight loss continues.

Made it....

(this is the picture I sent to Walt on Facebook)

I made it through the first day alone. I have to say it was so wierd Walt not being here. I did go over and visit with the MIL...had lunch, and good conversation. It was a nice afternoon.

I am lost though. I have no one really to talk to, and I don't want to spend all day online. It's a wierd position to be in.

I'm handling the dogs pretty well. Actually, better than I thought I would.

My foot stings today. I did exercise this morning...who knows....

I did reconnect with an old friend....that was nice.

Tomorrow is another day

First night

I survived as I knew I would. It was just a hard thing to think about.

The dogs and I snuggled into bed and that's the last thing I remember. Then Loco woke me up as usual. Little brat.

I'm feeling very lonely this morning - even chatting with Walt in IM fashion doesn't come close. I pray tomorrow is easier. It should get easier afterall.

And then the day will come when we can pack up her stuff and be out of here FOREVER.

I know that during the week it won't be so bad.....nights and weekends will suck.

Walter starts his new/old job tomorrow. I am so happy for him. I wonder if he's nervous. It's his job and always has been. Maybe it's just reaquainting himself with the processes and all the new employees that have been hired since last fall. I am happy for him. He's going "home" and back to his comfort zone.

Me....working from home is getting easier. Now if I could just get that first paycheck, I'll feel like I am doing something important. Not just hanging out online all day and in phone meetings.

Life moves on....and I am trying to move with it.....I have my furry kids to keep me company.....and the pleasure of knowing time HAS to move forward.....the day will come when we're all together again.

Its only the first day

I had no idea it would hurt this much. I am feeling so guilty for having wished for Walt to just be out of my life. I know now that it was the HUGE amount of stress I was under that moved me to feel the way I was. I just wanted him gone. As if by his being gone, the issues and failures we BOTH had would be gone.

And now I am feeling horrible for wanting him to be gone…..he IS gone, and I am lost and feeling so much pain in my heart. I want him here. I want him close. I want to lean on him. He’s gone.

How did I get here? Wasn’t Las Vegas supposed to be our own promised land? Wasn’t it supposed to be SO much better here? OMGosh….I never thought life could suck this bad. Almost from day one.

Well, that’s not exactly true. We got here and he found a job almost immediately. Life was looking up. I interviewed and got a job within a month. We started looking for a place to live, and found THE MOST perfect house. Exactly where we wanted to live, and we were happy. We waited anxiously until Walt could go to WA to her our stuff. We decorated. Life was good.

What happened? I switched jobs, and life was looking up. I was closer to where he was working, and we were doing things. Money was good, bills were paid, and we were settling in. And then hell broke loose. Walt’s contract job was suddenly ended, and then my job went to hell.

All of May and June Walt looked for a job. He found what he knew was a perfect job. Two weeks later, he was given no notice and no reason but “you’re not needed any more.” What happened? And in the middle of all that, I gave notice at my job because he’d found the perfect job!! We were in shocked!! And a bit bewildered!!

Where to go next????

Then…then HIS job came open again in WA. It was as if God had FINALLY smiled on us. But we had to lose our house and move into this room. Then the worst thing happened. He left. He got on an airplane and left me behind. How could he do that? Why? Money. Always money. Money has kept me here. Or the lack of it. The job came so quickly in WA, that we didn’t have time to prepare for another big move. So here I am in this awful hotel, with four dogs (having given up Buddy), two cats, nasty neighbors with screaming kids, scary neighborhood….alone. How did this happen? Where am I going to find the strength to do this alone?

My husband is THE MOST important person in my life. He has done everything he could to take care of me and give me a good life. He has agonized over the job loses and lack of money. My attitude didn’t help. I feel horrible for that. He didn’t deserve that. I love him so much for loving me enough to put up with all this and put up with me.

I need to gather the strength so that I don’t make this worse for him. It has to be terrible for him to be away from me too. It’s so far more than being scared (which I am). It’s the simple fact of being totally alone with no income, no way of knowing if the rent is going to be paid here for next week…..I pray the money starts coming in soon.

I may go mad if I have to worry about being put out on the street. I can handle anything else but that.

So, in case you’re reading this Walt, thank you. I don’t know how else to say what I’m feeling right now except thank you for your sacrifice. I love you.

We’ll see how my first night alone goes…

parting is such sweet sorrow.....

Who'd have ever believed I'd quote Shakespeare!! But it was sorrowful dropping Walt off at the airport. I haven't stopped crying.

Even knowing that it's temporary.....that we won't be apart "that" long.....but it's so overwhelming to me to imagine being here without him. It is this place and it's just simply being alone all the time. I feel horrible that we had to give Buddy back, but I just know there would have not been a single day that wasn't totally stressful with him here. We didn't expect things to go this way.....

I am praying I get through this......

Buddy....

I feel like the worst person in the world. I just couldn't handle the thought of taking care of all these dogs alone in this tiny room, so we decided to take Buddy back to the no kill shelter.

I feel just horrible. There are no words to describe how I am feeling.

It just has to get better than this......

It's starting....

The pressure I mean. I am beginning to feel the pressure that Walt is leaving in three days. I don't know if I am going to be able to handle this. Thanfully he's leaving on a Saturday, so I can cry as much as I need to for a couple of days before starting back to work Monday morning.

He'll have his new job to keep him busy, and of course have our friends to hang out with after work. I, on the other hand, have NO ONE. His Mom is here....but she doesn't really want much to do with me. At least I have someone in a pinch.

I am scared. I've said that time and time again. It isn't so much being here alone, it's being put out on the street if Walt can't pay the rent. THAT is my single biggest fear at this point....

I hope that goes away. Well, once we have money coming in....it won't be an issue.

I'll get through the next few days......with God's help.

our furry kids

This blog is dedicated to my furry kids. I love them, I respect them, and I can't imagine my life without them. From pet store purchased to rescuing a pregnant Chihuahua, I love them all and they enrich my life.

So Dack, Jager, P-Momma, Loco, Buddy, Kitty Kitty and Roscoe....I love you.....

God Bless our furry kids.....

Bandage and Henry Free

Had my second post op appt. today, and the good doctor took off the bandage and took out the sutures. I am so happy. I don't have to wear that awful shoe anymore and I can shower!! Life is good. It's not pretty....but it's healing....and I am well on my way to having a whole foot to use again.

Now that this part of my life is over, it's time to move on to the next phase. Getting back on the Wii and exercising. I won't be able to do that for at least another week...which bums me out. I want it all now...and it's not happening fast enough.

Now we're hanging out in this room.......watching tv.....thankfully I have a busier work day tomorrow. Lots of hours.

I'm not happy about the days going by fast though. Walt leaves on Saturday....makes me sad.

I hope I can handle this.....