Ok, so I'm not in a panic at the moment, but I feel one coming on!! We are in the final countdown.
I can see the end of the packing and moving stuff around. One more trip to Goodwill, and we are junk free. (that in itself is amazing to me) We honestly didn't pack anything we weren't going to use or need. I'm proud of us.
We've come such a long way from "thinking" about moving, to actually doing it. It has been a year filled with precious memories, big decisions, and fulfilling dreams. 2010 will go down in history as a positive year.....
I feel so blessed.....by having such a supportive and loving husband, wonderful girls, friends who enrich my life.....knock on wood.....life is good!!
Today's prayer: Thank you Lord for all the blessings you have given me, my family and friends; I thank you for giving us the opportunity to see our dreams come true; I know you will see us safely to our new home and provide all we need; Please watch over our loved ones; please watch over Walt as he completes his last real day of work; see him safely home; bless those who are no longer with us;
In your Loving and Gracious name....Amen.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Stuff - Makeup type stuff
I packed my makeup, hair products, and other beauty essentials today. It was a little depressing since I can't just visualize all my wonderful beauty products. Isn't that a bit wierd??
But....I am ready for the road. I probably won't be doing makeup and hair while we're making the trek to Las Vegas. Why bother huh? I'll be sitting in the cab of a U-Haul truck for who-knows-how-many-hours. Although, I may just decide not to scare the world and put makeup on anyway.
I've got it all pretty much organized, so it shouldn't be hard to find something if I MUST use it. Once we get to our hotel/home, I can spread out a little more. I am praying with all my heart that our stay at the hotel will be a short one.
I may just have to do a video on "staying beautiful" on the road....well, maybe not "beautiful" but less scary LOL Poor Walt deserves to NOT have to ride with a scary lady....LOL
I'm excited I was able to organize all my stuff......it'll make life so much easier....and less stressful....
On to the next project......
accomplishments today: I woke up (LOL); packed makeup/hair stuff; finished packing the kitchen; packed the "closet"; cleaned the family room; packed the rest of my clothes; napped; smiled a lot......
But....I am ready for the road. I probably won't be doing makeup and hair while we're making the trek to Las Vegas. Why bother huh? I'll be sitting in the cab of a U-Haul truck for who-knows-how-many-hours. Although, I may just decide not to scare the world and put makeup on anyway.
I've got it all pretty much organized, so it shouldn't be hard to find something if I MUST use it. Once we get to our hotel/home, I can spread out a little more. I am praying with all my heart that our stay at the hotel will be a short one.
I may just have to do a video on "staying beautiful" on the road....well, maybe not "beautiful" but less scary LOL Poor Walt deserves to NOT have to ride with a scary lady....LOL
I'm excited I was able to organize all my stuff......it'll make life so much easier....and less stressful....
On to the next project......
accomplishments today: I woke up (LOL); packed makeup/hair stuff; finished packing the kitchen; packed the "closet"; cleaned the family room; packed the rest of my clothes; napped; smiled a lot......
Ah....
Can I just say ONE more time how much I hate packing? Me....the one who must be the coordinator, planner, and the one to packs for vacations WEEKS in advance.....is tired of planning, packing, and coordinating!
I shouldn't complain!! The means to the end of this is our new life in Las Vegas. We are embarking on a new adventure.....and it's filled with JOY! Why am I so miserable??
The goodbyes are hard. Some of them are permanent.....most are not. It's a matter of "see you later." I like that.....see you later.
We're piled high with boxes......tubs....containers and furniture. It looks like someone is moving...YAY!! All that's left is our clothes. Packing up the truck will be easy since we've organized things so well. (yay for the organizer LOL)
On another note, I am sad to leave my house. It's true that we've let it go at times, it's hard to live in. But selling it is hard. I'm ready for a new home. New decorations. New bed......it's all so exciting. Leaving my dad behind is a hard thought. I don't even know what to think about that. It's a physical place.....not really where he is. I hope I find comfort in that.
Happy thoughts: Greek Yogurt (yum); puppies; less to pack; tomatoes and avocado; daughters.
Today's Prayer:
Lord, I thank you for all my blessings; for the strength to pack and organize; I thank you for a loving husband and precious children; Please watch over all those we love and care about....hold them close; Please keep a close watch on Sarah and Holly since I won't be close enough to do it myself; Please bring Walter home safely from work.
In your Loving and Eternal name......Amen.
I shouldn't complain!! The means to the end of this is our new life in Las Vegas. We are embarking on a new adventure.....and it's filled with JOY! Why am I so miserable??
The goodbyes are hard. Some of them are permanent.....most are not. It's a matter of "see you later." I like that.....see you later.
We're piled high with boxes......tubs....containers and furniture. It looks like someone is moving...YAY!! All that's left is our clothes. Packing up the truck will be easy since we've organized things so well. (yay for the organizer LOL)
On another note, I am sad to leave my house. It's true that we've let it go at times, it's hard to live in. But selling it is hard. I'm ready for a new home. New decorations. New bed......it's all so exciting. Leaving my dad behind is a hard thought. I don't even know what to think about that. It's a physical place.....not really where he is. I hope I find comfort in that.
Happy thoughts: Greek Yogurt (yum); puppies; less to pack; tomatoes and avocado; daughters.
Today's Prayer:
Lord, I thank you for all my blessings; for the strength to pack and organize; I thank you for a loving husband and precious children; Please watch over all those we love and care about....hold them close; Please keep a close watch on Sarah and Holly since I won't be close enough to do it myself; Please bring Walter home safely from work.
In your Loving and Eternal name......Amen.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Dealing with Depression and other Issues
I am probably the poster child (poster woman,person) for dealing with depression and other issues. For most of my adult life - maybe even all of it - I have battled with depression and OCD type issues.
Why do I mention it now you ask? Not sure, but I sort of feel that maybe it's worth sharing so that maybe just I can help one person out there not feel alone or scared if they are dealing with similar issues.
I wasn't always a depressed person. I'm still not always depressed. I think my real depression began after my sister died. Handling things regarding my parents played a huge part in my depression. I was also in a very love-less marriage, even though I think we were friends. This contributed to my depression.
I never really dealt with the depression, but always found a way to hide it or mask how I was really feeling. Not healthy. It's not like I didn't have resources, because I did. I think I just didn't want to deal with it or even face the fact that I felt the way I did. At the time, I think I thought it was easier to fake it.
I battled with my weight, which again, contributed to my depression. I was unhappy with the way I looked and felt physically....which then translated into being depressed about it. Insecurity is an evil friend....no friend at all!!
Fast forward a few years.....my current marriage wasn't perfect (too many events to mention), my children (at least I felt this way) didn't appreciate me, still dealing with weight, and overcoming the grief of losing both my parents.....equals depression. It wasn't until my doctor and I got to talking that I realized I really was depressed. (this was about 4 years ago)
Today....I am happy. I find joy. I expect good things. I reward the world with my smile. I could go on and on. I have learned to let God handle things. Carrying the world on my shoulders is meaningless and doesn't bring the happiness I so desperately wanted into my life.
How do you ask did I achieve this. Ok, I'll have to admit that I do take daily medication for the depression. It's a chemical imbalance that inhibits ME from dealing with every day stresses or depressing things. But most importantly, I emotionally allow myself to feel what I do, and I don't ignore it. I talk if I have to, and I listen when I should. I surround myself with people who lift me up when I'm down, and center me when I need it.
Learning to trust people has been the hardest lesson of all for me. So many people have let me down in the past that I couldn't let my guard down. This can eat away at your heart, and make you miss out on the sunny things that happen in your life. I trust the circle of people in my life. While I firmly believe that trust is earned, I trust freely.
I know that God has placed me here for a reason.....for good.....to find happiness and to share His love with anyone and everyone. When I let it all go....it is whatever makes me sad or feel down......all the joy just comes to me. It's so easy...who knew?
I have good and bad days just like everyone else. But I let the sunshine in when it's grey.....cry when I need to......and embrace the world. There are silver linings.....
Believe in yourself.....follow your dreams......let people help you......share your gifts and blessings.....tell those you love often that they mean the world to you......do what makes you happy......
I guarantee that when things look bleek.....you'll see it in a totally different way.....when you allow it to roll off.....accept the negative but face it in a positive manner.
Let me know how it works out for you.....
Peace.
Why do I mention it now you ask? Not sure, but I sort of feel that maybe it's worth sharing so that maybe just I can help one person out there not feel alone or scared if they are dealing with similar issues.
I wasn't always a depressed person. I'm still not always depressed. I think my real depression began after my sister died. Handling things regarding my parents played a huge part in my depression. I was also in a very love-less marriage, even though I think we were friends. This contributed to my depression.
I never really dealt with the depression, but always found a way to hide it or mask how I was really feeling. Not healthy. It's not like I didn't have resources, because I did. I think I just didn't want to deal with it or even face the fact that I felt the way I did. At the time, I think I thought it was easier to fake it.
I battled with my weight, which again, contributed to my depression. I was unhappy with the way I looked and felt physically....which then translated into being depressed about it. Insecurity is an evil friend....no friend at all!!
Fast forward a few years.....my current marriage wasn't perfect (too many events to mention), my children (at least I felt this way) didn't appreciate me, still dealing with weight, and overcoming the grief of losing both my parents.....equals depression. It wasn't until my doctor and I got to talking that I realized I really was depressed. (this was about 4 years ago)
Today....I am happy. I find joy. I expect good things. I reward the world with my smile. I could go on and on. I have learned to let God handle things. Carrying the world on my shoulders is meaningless and doesn't bring the happiness I so desperately wanted into my life.
How do you ask did I achieve this. Ok, I'll have to admit that I do take daily medication for the depression. It's a chemical imbalance that inhibits ME from dealing with every day stresses or depressing things. But most importantly, I emotionally allow myself to feel what I do, and I don't ignore it. I talk if I have to, and I listen when I should. I surround myself with people who lift me up when I'm down, and center me when I need it.
Learning to trust people has been the hardest lesson of all for me. So many people have let me down in the past that I couldn't let my guard down. This can eat away at your heart, and make you miss out on the sunny things that happen in your life. I trust the circle of people in my life. While I firmly believe that trust is earned, I trust freely.
I know that God has placed me here for a reason.....for good.....to find happiness and to share His love with anyone and everyone. When I let it all go....it is whatever makes me sad or feel down......all the joy just comes to me. It's so easy...who knew?
I have good and bad days just like everyone else. But I let the sunshine in when it's grey.....cry when I need to......and embrace the world. There are silver linings.....
Believe in yourself.....follow your dreams......let people help you......share your gifts and blessings.....tell those you love often that they mean the world to you......do what makes you happy......
I guarantee that when things look bleek.....you'll see it in a totally different way.....when you allow it to roll off.....accept the negative but face it in a positive manner.
Let me know how it works out for you.....
Peace.
Last Week....
Well, we're down to just a few days. Instead of blogging, I should be packing and cleaning. At this point, its mostly cleaning things up. We got a lot accomplished over the weekend. Whew!!
Yesterday (Sunday) was very emotional. We went to church, and said goodbye to our church family. It was very hard. There are some of the congregation that were really important to us, and I will miss them terribly.
Sarah came over, and we went through my makeup, hair products and odds and ends. It was nice to have her here for more than just a few minutes. I can't imagine not seeing her for months on end. It scares me. I am really going to miss her.
Then we spent the evening cleaning and packing. I cannot believe how much stuff we have.....ack!
Today's prayer:
Dear Lord, thank you for another day to enjoy this life; thank you for a loving husband, and beautiful children; Please watch over all my friends and loved ones; please cover them with love and peace; may loving arms embrace our loved ones who have passed on.....please help me be motivated and get all my tasks completed this week.
In your loving and patient name.....Amen.
Happy thoughts: sleeping in; just a few days left here; a clean house; packing done; puppy love; faithful friends; my girls.
Yesterday (Sunday) was very emotional. We went to church, and said goodbye to our church family. It was very hard. There are some of the congregation that were really important to us, and I will miss them terribly.
Sarah came over, and we went through my makeup, hair products and odds and ends. It was nice to have her here for more than just a few minutes. I can't imagine not seeing her for months on end. It scares me. I am really going to miss her.
Then we spent the evening cleaning and packing. I cannot believe how much stuff we have.....ack!
Today's prayer:
Dear Lord, thank you for another day to enjoy this life; thank you for a loving husband, and beautiful children; Please watch over all my friends and loved ones; please cover them with love and peace; may loving arms embrace our loved ones who have passed on.....please help me be motivated and get all my tasks completed this week.
In your loving and patient name.....Amen.
Happy thoughts: sleeping in; just a few days left here; a clean house; packing done; puppy love; faithful friends; my girls.
Friday, September 24, 2010
T Minus 7 Days.....and counting
I can't believe we've got 7 days until we hit the road. I am SO glad we got a good start on the packing, but I still feel like there's so much to do. Most of what's left is just clean up and odds and ends.
I am SO excited that we're so close to leaving. It's scary, but since getting a call for an interview, I am feeling MUCH more positive. God has a plan for me, and I am positive that there are only good things ahead.
And it's Friday which means I'll have two days with Walter......=)
List of things to do today: finish packing the kitchen and clothes; clean...ack!!; stalk the UPS man...a Mary Kay order should be delivered today; deliver previously mentioned MK products; Rant less....Rave more......and smile.
Today's Prayer (two days in a row....we're cookin')
Dear Lord, Thank you for this day and for waking up with a smile.....please watch over all those who are in my heart.....please give peace to those who may be hurting or sad.....thank you for my furry kids and for them sharing their happiness at being alive......help me stay focused and motivated today.......watch over Walt as he drives to work and make sure he arrives safely......thank you for all my blessings and for the wonderful people in my life.....
In your loving and gracious name......Amen.
I am SO excited that we're so close to leaving. It's scary, but since getting a call for an interview, I am feeling MUCH more positive. God has a plan for me, and I am positive that there are only good things ahead.
And it's Friday which means I'll have two days with Walter......=)
List of things to do today: finish packing the kitchen and clothes; clean...ack!!; stalk the UPS man...a Mary Kay order should be delivered today; deliver previously mentioned MK products; Rant less....Rave more......and smile.
Today's Prayer (two days in a row....we're cookin')
Dear Lord, Thank you for this day and for waking up with a smile.....please watch over all those who are in my heart.....please give peace to those who may be hurting or sad.....thank you for my furry kids and for them sharing their happiness at being alive......help me stay focused and motivated today.......watch over Walt as he drives to work and make sure he arrives safely......thank you for all my blessings and for the wonderful people in my life.....
In your loving and gracious name......Amen.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Pets as an example
A very sweet person sent a short video of a dog praying. I am going to try and upload it so that it shows up on my blog. I found it endearing, and the best example of how our pets enrich our lives.
Through this small moment of prayer, the owner shared something beautiful with his beloved pet and thank our Lord for all his gifts. Amazing....inspiring.....made me cry a little....but nonetheless, gives me hope.
My prayer for today:
Lord, thank you for everything I have been given that brings beauty and joy to my life. Thank you for my family, my friends, and my furry kids. Please watch over all my loved ones, insuring they are safe and well. Please remember those that are no longer with us, and may they know you and see you. I pray for our world and for them to know your unending love. Please bring home my husband safely from work, and fill me with gratefulness and enthusiasm to continue working hard on this move.
In your loving and joyful name....Amen.
Through this small moment of prayer, the owner shared something beautiful with his beloved pet and thank our Lord for all his gifts. Amazing....inspiring.....made me cry a little....but nonetheless, gives me hope.
My prayer for today:
Lord, thank you for everything I have been given that brings beauty and joy to my life. Thank you for my family, my friends, and my furry kids. Please watch over all my loved ones, insuring they are safe and well. Please remember those that are no longer with us, and may they know you and see you. I pray for our world and for them to know your unending love. Please bring home my husband safely from work, and fill me with gratefulness and enthusiasm to continue working hard on this move.
In your loving and joyful name....Amen.
Finding Joy
I watched a vlog by a young woman today....I follow her and her "how to" makeup videos, and today's video didn't mention once about the outer beauty ideas. It had everything to do with inner beauty and joy.
This stranger touched me in such a meaningful way, I am still having difficulty find the words to express what I am feeling.
This week has not been good. With having to make the difficult decision to put Kleine to sleep, I have not had much to smile about. I have been sharing my frown instead of celebrating Kleine's life and sharing how she touched me forever. I've been complaining about packing, when I should be excited and more than happy to do it. This is afterall, the end of weeks of planning and the anticipation of a new adventure with Walter. There are SO many positives going on.
I've made so many sad choices this week that right this minute I am CHOOSING to be positive, upbeat, and joyful in what's happening in my life. There can only be good things ahead. There can only be more positive and happy moments ahead. I choose to accept this and allow this to be my reality.
I have been so blessed in my life. Yes, there are many moments of deep sadness in my life, but I have been blessed with a loving husband, family, and friends.
I choose to find joy in my moments.....be as happy as possible, and try hard to just roll with the punches. Life is much too short to be bogged down in the muck of everyday life.
Smiles today: coffee in bed; Walt's smile this morning; sleeping in; puppy love; enough food to eat; knitting; knowing my hard work around the house will lead to happiness; loving messages on Facebook; being closer to my dream.
This stranger touched me in such a meaningful way, I am still having difficulty find the words to express what I am feeling.
This week has not been good. With having to make the difficult decision to put Kleine to sleep, I have not had much to smile about. I have been sharing my frown instead of celebrating Kleine's life and sharing how she touched me forever. I've been complaining about packing, when I should be excited and more than happy to do it. This is afterall, the end of weeks of planning and the anticipation of a new adventure with Walter. There are SO many positives going on.
I've made so many sad choices this week that right this minute I am CHOOSING to be positive, upbeat, and joyful in what's happening in my life. There can only be good things ahead. There can only be more positive and happy moments ahead. I choose to accept this and allow this to be my reality.
I have been so blessed in my life. Yes, there are many moments of deep sadness in my life, but I have been blessed with a loving husband, family, and friends.
I choose to find joy in my moments.....be as happy as possible, and try hard to just roll with the punches. Life is much too short to be bogged down in the muck of everyday life.
Smiles today: coffee in bed; Walt's smile this morning; sleeping in; puppy love; enough food to eat; knitting; knowing my hard work around the house will lead to happiness; loving messages on Facebook; being closer to my dream.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
How do they know?
I am surrounded by furry babies. Are they in tune with my grief? Dack is free to roam the house since he was always with Kleine due to her having to be separated from Katie. He's here, snuggled up next to me, snoring.
How do they know that their nearness comforts me? How do they know my heart hurts for Kleine and their closeness warms me? I believe our pets are far more in tune with our emotions that anyone might believe.
Its been years since my own children have sought comfort in my lap since they are grown and "too big for that." It's not the hugs, as those are plenty when we see them. It's the closeness. They find their own comfort as young women, and don't need the smothering love of Mom. Not in that way any way. But these dogs are my "children", and I am responsible for their care. They look to us for everything, but give us SO much more than we could ever give them. Food and shelter is just part of it. We do shower them with attention. What they give in return I cannot even find words to describe.
How sad is it that what I get from my pets outweighs what I "get" from my girls. It's normal for them to distance themselves from me and seek comfort and acceptance from their peers. I get that part. What my pets provide in the way of comfort and love is unmeasurable. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for my kids.....nothing. But I think the list of "what I wouldn't do for my pets" doesn't exist either. They are my friends. They are the listeners when no one else is here or able to listen. (or is simply ignoring me because I know I am a pain at times) They are my buddies.
When one of them is hurt or sick, I act....and take care of it. It was the same when Holly or Sarah needed something. Or what we do now. Drive across town and any time of the day to give one of them what they need. These furry friends don't "ask"for anything. They are appreciative of whatever we give, and their thankfulness shows on their faces.
I am obsessed with my pets. It's obvious to me, and I probably sound totally off my rocker. Hopefully it's what people find endearing about me. My compassion for animals......putting my loved ones always first, my devotion to friends. Its how I view myself to the world.
So here I sit surrounded by furry, snoring, snuggling friends. I am reminded of the hours of comfort they've given me during times of grief, sickness, sadness, or whenever I just needed a friend.
I FIRMLY believe our pets choose us (as I said in my blog about Kleine) I don't know how they do it or why, but they choose us. I picked Dack up at the pet store, and he licked my nose with his tiny little tongue. Immediately, I said "sold." It didn't matter how we'd pay for him, he was coming home with me. A done deal. Jager's picture captured my heart and there wasn't anything anyone was going to say or do to keep me from driving to Spokane to get him. That's exactly what we did. From a picture, he'd stolen my heart. Again, he was named before we ever "met" him. And Katie. I saw pictures of her and the living conditions (her cage etc) and I knew we had to adopt her. It was a done deal. I re-named her Ruby...as that's my nickname for her. I've worked with her to help with her issues of desertion and separation issues. The only thing that is bad about this dog is that she simply could not be around Kleine without wanting to rip her neck out. I don't get it.
They all chose me. I am their "momma"....and I am proud that these animals love me this way. They fill a void in me that has been left empty by my mature girls, missing family members, and the lack of friends being present. I'm the dog lady LOL Simply.
I couldn't find a picture of Dack. I know there is one on the external harddrive. I'll have to remember to post one soon.
Doggie notes: snoring; everyone loves treats; squeekie toys don't last long; No one loves the momma more; whatever you're eating, it looks good and you must share; pillows are meant to be shared; they are never so happy as when someone new comes home...even if they just went outside for a moment; they'll watch any on tv as long as you're there too; no makeup....no problem......
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Heartbroken
Today my sweet dog Kleine went to wherever good dogs go when they die. She was happy, inspiring, and devoted. She was faithful and a joy.
I remember how she chose me when we went to the breeder's house. Her eyes were barely open, yet I could tell that when she looked at me, she saw me. She chose me. She was named before she was ever old enough to come home to live with us. I would visit her, so that we could bond. It was easy. She came at a time when my heart had just been broken after my dad passed away. She was the new life that would inspire me about good things and smiles.
She was always happy. She loved beanie babies....especially pigs. We'd search high and low for pig beanie babies just for her. She carried them like they were her babies. It was sweet, and yet another example of her kind heart.
In the last few years, she gained a lot of weight. I neglected her, a fact that will probably follow me for a very long time. I would talk to her and pet her, but she didn't get 100% of my devotion. We adopted Katie, and it didn't take 5 minutes before she knew Kleine was her enemy. In reality, Kleine couldn't care less if Katie got the attention or not. She just wanted to be close to everyone. When Katie attacked Kleine, it got bloody. That's when we began separating them. A huge separation.
I feel awful that I allowed this separation. This outsider came in to our home, and changed all the rules. I allowed that. This new dog had obviously been abused in some way, and had issues with being the center of attention. I felt bad. Kleine had been given a loving and perfect home, and Katie had not.
Making the decision to ease Kleine's tumor pain was not easy. In the big picture, Kleine not being here eases our concerns about moving, and how the hell we'd travel with two fighting dogs. I chose Katie in the end. I chose the abused dog. I chose the newcomer instead of the dog who chose me. While I know that it's humane to make such a decision when they cannot make it for themselves, I feel horrible, unloving, and a traitor.
She chose me, and let her go. She loved me always. And I let her go. Gone. Always. Fovever.
I fight the urge to hate Katie for the last two missed years with this happy forever gone dog. Yet I know it's crazy to blame her for the way her previous owners treated her or how she behaves.
My tears are many.....for myself.....my guilt....and for my Poopus.
Kleine memories: reaction to first immunizations and rushing to the vet; piggy picking; snuggling on cold mornings; road trips; runs on the beach; her first bath.....in the sink because she was so small; watching her run across the yard with her ears flapping in the wind; wearing her out on hikes; being there when she took her last breathe.
It's official....summer is over!!!
I'm not that sad though.....I do love this time of year. The leaves are changing colors....those deep orange and red colors that make the landscape appear purposely flecked with color.....FOOTBALL can only be played when it's cold and a hot cup of cocoa or coffee is in order.....Halloween candy appears in all the stores......and the weather is cold, crisp, and rainy......at least in the Pacific Northwest.
I do love this time of year! Baseball season is coming to a close, and that is somewhat bittersweet. It seems forever until Spring Training.....
It will seem wierd when we get to Las Vegas and there isn't the obvious color changes that indicate there is a change in seasons. Seattle is the longest place I've lived since I was a kid in So. California, and taking the greenness and obvious changing of the seasons for granted is easy to do. I know I will be miss it, and somewhere down the line with comment about it. I will, of course, get "that look" from Walt that indicates he's reminding me that "this is what you wanted."
It is what I want, but it is worth noting that I will miss the changing of the seasons. Nevada has very subtle changes, and the low temps will be the average temps we enjoy during the summer. (60's) However, the CONSTANT sunshine won't be a tough one to get used to. Feeling the sun on my face, even on crisp cold mornings, is amazing......and it doesn't happen all that often here. Not to rub it in, but it'll happen a whole lot more in Vegas, and I will be loving it.
favorite fall things: scarves; red and orange leaves; pumpkins; seeing my breathe in the air; hot lattes; hoodies; new seasons of our favorite tv shows begin; Oktoberfest; football games; World Series; caramel apples; sweatshirts
I do love this time of year! Baseball season is coming to a close, and that is somewhat bittersweet. It seems forever until Spring Training.....
It will seem wierd when we get to Las Vegas and there isn't the obvious color changes that indicate there is a change in seasons. Seattle is the longest place I've lived since I was a kid in So. California, and taking the greenness and obvious changing of the seasons for granted is easy to do. I know I will be miss it, and somewhere down the line with comment about it. I will, of course, get "that look" from Walt that indicates he's reminding me that "this is what you wanted."
It is what I want, but it is worth noting that I will miss the changing of the seasons. Nevada has very subtle changes, and the low temps will be the average temps we enjoy during the summer. (60's) However, the CONSTANT sunshine won't be a tough one to get used to. Feeling the sun on my face, even on crisp cold mornings, is amazing......and it doesn't happen all that often here. Not to rub it in, but it'll happen a whole lot more in Vegas, and I will be loving it.
favorite fall things: scarves; red and orange leaves; pumpkins; seeing my breathe in the air; hot lattes; hoodies; new seasons of our favorite tv shows begin; Oktoberfest; football games; World Series; caramel apples; sweatshirts
Monday, September 20, 2010
A new week!
My whole body still aches from the bowling the other night. How out of shape does one person have to be LOL Ouch!
Looking around the house, it looks emptier every day. It becomes more real that we will actually be leaving soon. I an only imagine how wonderful it's going to be living where it's warmer most of the time, sunny, and relaxing.
I've put in several applications. I'm hoping for lots of phone calls. I am sure something great is going to happen.
things that amaze me today: Drew Carey's weight loss; how good coffee tastes; how late I slept
Looking around the house, it looks emptier every day. It becomes more real that we will actually be leaving soon. I an only imagine how wonderful it's going to be living where it's warmer most of the time, sunny, and relaxing.
I've put in several applications. I'm hoping for lots of phone calls. I am sure something great is going to happen.
things that amaze me today: Drew Carey's weight loss; how good coffee tastes; how late I slept
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Profound Memory
Walt and were so excited to have gone bowling last night. It had truly benn 5 or more years since we last went with our church's youth group. Of course it was for charity,and no on was really playing to win.
We had two other couples there, and it did turn into a competition. Which is fine. We're all decent bowlers, so it wasn't one sided at all.
The memories we created we so wonderful.......
fast forward to this afternoon and I had mentioned going bowling once or twi a month once we get settled in Vegas as something different to do than gambling or eating. Great idea he says. And then I had a vision, memory,epiphany....whatever you want to call it. I strongly remember Walt bowling outside work and learning later on that "she" went as well. It was his way of meeting up with her at a legitimate place. He got defensive when I "remembered" it, but didn't remember it to cause a fight. It hit him,and I was surprised. Now we're not talking.
I don't really care what he did before. It's of no importance to what we're going to be doing and all the new memories, and traditions we'll be creating once we get to Las Vegas.
It was just note worthy....since I'm feeling kind of guilty for bringing it up, and sad that I have such a horrible memory.
hopefully it'll just pass.....
We had two other couples there, and it did turn into a competition. Which is fine. We're all decent bowlers, so it wasn't one sided at all.
The memories we created we so wonderful.......
fast forward to this afternoon and I had mentioned going bowling once or twi a month once we get settled in Vegas as something different to do than gambling or eating. Great idea he says. And then I had a vision, memory,epiphany....whatever you want to call it. I strongly remember Walt bowling outside work and learning later on that "she" went as well. It was his way of meeting up with her at a legitimate place. He got defensive when I "remembered" it, but didn't remember it to cause a fight. It hit him,and I was surprised. Now we're not talking.
I don't really care what he did before. It's of no importance to what we're going to be doing and all the new memories, and traditions we'll be creating once we get to Las Vegas.
It was just note worthy....since I'm feeling kind of guilty for bringing it up, and sad that I have such a horrible memory.
hopefully it'll just pass.....
Bowling, Boobs, and Booze
Walt's going away party couldn't have gone better. It was a wonderful representation of the people that love and care about Walt. We have so much fun laughing, bowling, and reminiscing.
Walt and Terry
Walt and a Hooters Girl
Walt and Terry
Me and Cat
Laurie throwing a strike!
We bowled, had beverages, and there were lots of boobies everywhere. Good times.
The score!!! Look who's ahead!
Walt and a Hooters Girl
All in all, I'd say everyone had a good time. Everyone had the opportunity to say a little goodbye to Walt via video. It was very sweet.....
Highlights: Throwing a strike and it actually being on video; good food; amazing friends; more laughs than one could count; good old fashioned competition; tears; Black Jack drinks; BOOBS everywhere; bowling in the dark;
Friday, September 17, 2010
50 books in 1 year
I am embarking on a personal challenge. I am going to read 50 books in a year's time. The year will begin on October 1, 2010 since until then, I won't have a lot of time to devote to simply sitting and reading. After that, we'll have a long road trip, and transition to our new home in Las Vegas.
I will blog the name of the finished book, and a review of what I think of the book.
Reading is Fundamental....that's what I learned as a child, and I have always enjoyed reading. This is the biggest challenge I've made for myself in a long time, and I am excited about it.
Here's to reading!!!
I will blog the name of the finished book, and a review of what I think of the book.
Reading is Fundamental....that's what I learned as a child, and I have always enjoyed reading. This is the biggest challenge I've made for myself in a long time, and I am excited about it.
Here's to reading!!!
Finally Friday!
Not that Friday feels any different than any other day of the week when you're unemployed. The only difference is that I know I'll have two days with Walt before he heads back to work on Monday.
Busy weekend ahead. Not only are we continuing our packing, Walt's going away party is tomorrow evening at Hooters. It's a bowling alley as well, so it'll be Bowling, Booze AND Boobs. Sounds like a fun going away party. Hopefully lots of people will show up!!
On Sunday we're going to the Puyallup Fair with Holly. It has literally been years since we've been to the fair. I am looking forward to spending some time with Holly, and having a good time at the fair.
Lots to get done.....time is ticking away.
positives today: morning coffee; end of the week; more boxes packed; puppy kisses; loving husband; cooler weather; weekend is ahead.
Busy weekend ahead. Not only are we continuing our packing, Walt's going away party is tomorrow evening at Hooters. It's a bowling alley as well, so it'll be Bowling, Booze AND Boobs. Sounds like a fun going away party. Hopefully lots of people will show up!!
On Sunday we're going to the Puyallup Fair with Holly. It has literally been years since we've been to the fair. I am looking forward to spending some time with Holly, and having a good time at the fair.
Lots to get done.....time is ticking away.
positives today: morning coffee; end of the week; more boxes packed; puppy kisses; loving husband; cooler weather; weekend is ahead.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
hearing TAPS
It always makes me cry. I know that all military installations play it at bedtime, but it's the playing at funerals that tears my heart out.
When I was a kid, hearing TAPS off in the distance (we lived near a military base) was comforting. It's peaceful and meant to help one drift off to sleep. It's calming, and always sounded so angelic off in the distance.
The first military funeral I attended was when I was in high school. A former schoolmate was killed in a car accident while serving in the Army. She had a seven gun salute, and the TAPS completely made me fall apart. Every time I heard it after that, it meant something different to me. It meant forever sleep, albet peaceful as it still sounded.
At my father's military funeral, he had a three gun salute (for being a veteran and not an active duty serviceman), and then they played TAPS. I was fine until then. I know how deeply my Dad felt about his service to our country and his patriotism. TAPS was a honor to him, his service, and once again a reminder that forever sleep.
I'll never be able to hear it without the tears. Losing someone so close and associating the playing of TAPS to the grieving process, just brings it all back to the fore front on my heart. I miss him every day, but these reminders will probably always affect me this way.
.....Daddy, I miss you.....every day......I see you on the football fields, in the slot machines, when I see "In and Out" burger signs, in the faces of my daughters, at SAFCO field, during cooking shows.....you're everywhere.....thank you so much for being my Dad and my friend......I love you....
Happy thoughts today: My Dad; getting more boxes packed; MK orders; coffee; Facebook conversations with Holly; healthy hair; bananas; puppy snuggles.
When I was a kid, hearing TAPS off in the distance (we lived near a military base) was comforting. It's peaceful and meant to help one drift off to sleep. It's calming, and always sounded so angelic off in the distance.
The first military funeral I attended was when I was in high school. A former schoolmate was killed in a car accident while serving in the Army. She had a seven gun salute, and the TAPS completely made me fall apart. Every time I heard it after that, it meant something different to me. It meant forever sleep, albet peaceful as it still sounded.
At my father's military funeral, he had a three gun salute (for being a veteran and not an active duty serviceman), and then they played TAPS. I was fine until then. I know how deeply my Dad felt about his service to our country and his patriotism. TAPS was a honor to him, his service, and once again a reminder that forever sleep.
I'll never be able to hear it without the tears. Losing someone so close and associating the playing of TAPS to the grieving process, just brings it all back to the fore front on my heart. I miss him every day, but these reminders will probably always affect me this way.
.....Daddy, I miss you.....every day......I see you on the football fields, in the slot machines, when I see "In and Out" burger signs, in the faces of my daughters, at SAFCO field, during cooking shows.....you're everywhere.....thank you so much for being my Dad and my friend......I love you....
Happy thoughts today: My Dad; getting more boxes packed; MK orders; coffee; Facebook conversations with Holly; healthy hair; bananas; puppy snuggles.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
It's the 15th.....so?
I'm just saying. It's the 15th of September already! Holy cow. Where has September gone? We're down to the wire of when we'll be moving and I have 1/2 the house to pack. Girl, you need to get busy.
I am excited about moving. Change always seems to rejuvenate me. There's so much that's going to be happening in the near future. YIKES! We've got almost everything in place, and that's comforting. I have to be organized. It will make me nuts if things aren't planned or at least we have a plan.
It's exciting. Nerve racking, but exciting. There's so much ahead for us......I just know Walt is going to find a job in the next few weeks. He's so motivated, and I am so proud of him.
Things I could blog about but won't:
1. It's mid-September and I am still using the fan at night
2. Hair, need or not need?
3. Packing - who suggested this huge move? And did I agree to it? LOL
4. Showering if you're not going anywhere. Pro or Con....
5. And if you shower, do you put on clean clothes from the day before?
6. How can two people have so much crap?
7. To downsize or not to downsize...that is the question.
8. Daytime tv - who do I need to talk to about that?
9. I love this time of year -
10. Friends.....can't live without them
11. Daughters.....gray hair creators
12. Sunshine on a daily basis -
13. Reality tv - my new addiction
14. Have we fallen off the WW wagon?
15. Motivation - very over rated.
I am excited about moving. Change always seems to rejuvenate me. There's so much that's going to be happening in the near future. YIKES! We've got almost everything in place, and that's comforting. I have to be organized. It will make me nuts if things aren't planned or at least we have a plan.
It's exciting. Nerve racking, but exciting. There's so much ahead for us......I just know Walt is going to find a job in the next few weeks. He's so motivated, and I am so proud of him.
Things I could blog about but won't:
1. It's mid-September and I am still using the fan at night
2. Hair, need or not need?
3. Packing - who suggested this huge move? And did I agree to it? LOL
4. Showering if you're not going anywhere. Pro or Con....
5. And if you shower, do you put on clean clothes from the day before?
6. How can two people have so much crap?
7. To downsize or not to downsize...that is the question.
8. Daytime tv - who do I need to talk to about that?
9. I love this time of year -
10. Friends.....can't live without them
11. Daughters.....gray hair creators
12. Sunshine on a daily basis -
13. Reality tv - my new addiction
14. Have we fallen off the WW wagon?
15. Motivation - very over rated.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Hair...and lots of it
I'm not sure what possessed me to buy it, but I bought a wig. I am eager to have this length of hair, and hair extensions are very expensive and a lot of work. So I guess this seemed like the least worrisome and work.
It's probably been 40 years since I had this long of hair. My mom chopped off my long hair when I was in the 2nd grade. Don't we all want what we don't have? Besides, isn't it fun to sort of look different sometimes?
So it would seem.....on top of the weight loss and new makeup....I needed hair too. Jury is still out on what I think. I emailed pictures to my friend S to see what she thinks.....I know I'll get an honest assessment and opinion from her....
It's a new day....new do! Moving is coming along. We have just a little over two weeks until we leave for Vegas. Wow!!!
happy thoughts: dinner out with Walt (food is good); long hair....even if it's temporary; payday; sunshine; puppies; UPS deliveries; Walt; and thoughtful friends.
Monday, September 13, 2010
It's Monday Again...
I'm still exhausted from the weekend. How sad is that? I slept almost the entire day away yesterday, and I'm still tired.
And here it is Monday again, and it's time to get busy. There's not a whole lot left in the house to be packed. The last part of it will be clean up, and I dread that the most. Not because it's dirty....but because I just don't like cleaning. That's awful. LOL Cleaning is something I avoid if I have to, and thank goodness Walt doesn't mind cleaning. Since I've been home, it's been up to me to clean....which is fine. I don't have the excuse of working full time....etc......LOL I just don't like cleaning. But it has to be done....=)
Then I watch the show "Hoarders" and I feel the urge to get up and clean....ack!! I know we couldn't be anywhere near the problems those people have, but it scares the hell out of me. It can easily happy.
Moving on....
Going to dinner tonight to a delightful woman's house that we used to work with. We are so blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives. She wanted to cook us dinner before we moved away. Isn't that special? I just feel so honored as I am sure she doesn't socialize with many of the people she left behind at HP. I'm really looking forward to it....
It's shower time....btw, I am still loving the WEN haircare products....my hair has never felt or looked better....
today's joys: coffee (thanks Walt); no tennis on tv; dinner out with special people; puppy love; pretty makeup to put on; breeze coming in the window; special emails; love of family....
And here it is Monday again, and it's time to get busy. There's not a whole lot left in the house to be packed. The last part of it will be clean up, and I dread that the most. Not because it's dirty....but because I just don't like cleaning. That's awful. LOL Cleaning is something I avoid if I have to, and thank goodness Walt doesn't mind cleaning. Since I've been home, it's been up to me to clean....which is fine. I don't have the excuse of working full time....etc......LOL I just don't like cleaning. But it has to be done....=)
Then I watch the show "Hoarders" and I feel the urge to get up and clean....ack!! I know we couldn't be anywhere near the problems those people have, but it scares the hell out of me. It can easily happy.
Moving on....
Going to dinner tonight to a delightful woman's house that we used to work with. We are so blessed to have such wonderful people in our lives. She wanted to cook us dinner before we moved away. Isn't that special? I just feel so honored as I am sure she doesn't socialize with many of the people she left behind at HP. I'm really looking forward to it....
It's shower time....btw, I am still loving the WEN haircare products....my hair has never felt or looked better....
today's joys: coffee (thanks Walt); no tennis on tv; dinner out with special people; puppy love; pretty makeup to put on; breeze coming in the window; special emails; love of family....
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Concert...and getting old
I found myself watching the crowds yesterday while we were at the Brad Paisley, Darius Rucker and others concert. I watch people in general. But when put in a position of watching crowds of people, I absolutely love it.
I did realize one thing though. I'm over the hill. Oh, I can still have fun with the best of them, and I'm a pretty hip 46 year old. But the days of making an ass of myself, embarrassing everyone around me, and more than likely making my parents ashamed of me are over.
After we made it into the concert area, and found our place on the grass, the watching really began. I know I am not alone in my people watching, because Walt notices just as many "oddities" as I do. It wasn't just the people that were different than intrigued me. It was the younger people who had absolutely no regard for where they were, how they were acting, and how annoying they were.
I LOVE friendly people. You know, those people that are sitting with you on line, or end up sitting next to you. Striking up a conversation is wonderful, and helps make the time go by quickly. Not everyone who strikes up a conversation is a great thing......i.e. the drunk woman that sat down next to us on the lawn for the concert and was obviously intoxicated. Ok, I'm alright with that. But everything that happened after she "introduced" herself embarrassed herself and made me grateful I'm not a falling down drunk. Her beer spilled and went all over her ass.....soaked. She proceeded to cuss out every person that went by.....all the while we knew it was her own drunkenness that caused it.
Then as the concert started, people were pretty much packed in together. This in itself caused problems because we weren't 20somethings and we'd long since enjoyed a beer. These "young people" proceeded to get louder, more drunk, and annoying. They were falling down, spilling beer everywhere, and I think (although I didn't really look too closely) had sex right there. At one point this drunk couple fell on top of our belongings and that's when I lost it. I don't yell at strangers on a regular basis, but I snapped into grown-up mode.
Of course no one thought twice about this mean old lady yelling at them since they all wished it had been them you yelled. When did I become that woman....? The person that yells at idiots who are being idiots? I paid good money to watch this concert, and I wasn't about to allow some drunken people ruin it for me. So I yelled. Besides, my camera was there....they could have broken it. Now that would have pissed me off.
I think I become more like my father every day. I worry less about what other people think of me....especially strangers, and worry about about ME and what I'm doing. Oh, I'm polite and chatty with like minded people, but as for the people who show their asses and act re tarted, I have little or not tolerance. Certainly have moved into a new phase of life.
That's not to say that when the nice young man sitting next to Walter leaned over and asked if he smoked grass would it bother us. Nah....that doesn't bother us. What's the worst than can happen. That is a part of being a younger concert going that I remember fondly. Its really harmless....and it's not like we were really going to get a contact high. However, you never forget the smell....not as long as you live.
Be danced and sang along with the music and had the most fantastic time. We'd seen Brad Paisley in the late 90's play on the Fremont Street Experience and was a relative nobody. He was good then. Then we saw Darius Rucker in 2009 on our anniversary in a much smaller venue. We were not disappointed.......the Gorge was magnificent and the weather amazing.'
So the state of my age and aggravation was far less important than the amount of jun I had.
I just want to know when it was that i crassed over to th dark side. The opinionated, set in their ways, leave me along, and grown sect of people? You know my parents. When ha DOT happend. Me of so little faith that I can tolerate the behaviors of a generation of young people that think we own them aything. We did out party. Get out there an get it your self. you'll appreciate it a lot more.
So here's to you young people people who think drunkenness is attractive, and the the less you wear gives you a better chance of hooking u-p wtih someone that that will no dobut faith to develope into a meaningful relationship. Grow up.....yet in time, most wiil....in their own time.
An hopefully won't come across concert tickets of my own girls......acck!!!
happy thoughts from our short trip: being with Walt; chatting about whatever and nothing; laughing at his jokes; being close to him in crowds;him making me feel safe and watched over; lets me just be mel......and can't find the car at the end of the concernte. One of us isn't directionally chanlenged at least.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Faith
Faith is what's brought me this far. Faith in my Lord, faith in myself, and faith in my family and friends. Faith is such an intricate part of life, it is hard to imagine doing anything worthwhile without the faith that you're meant to do it.
I am not without my imperfections. Ok, so I mean faults. I'm not perfect. I don't proclaim to be, never had, and never will. I have sinned, but am wise enough to know that I must seek forgiveness. Sometimes life's lessons are harder to swallow than others, and it's taken me longer to ask for or even give forgiveness. I'm human, and only aspire to be as God intends me to be.
But I try.... and remember my faith every day. I'm a good person with good intentions. Each day is a reflection of who I am, what I am about, and where I am going. No one has the right to judge.....and if my blah blah blah blogs aren't your style, please pass them up.
In the big picture.....being positive is far more worthwhile than negative any day.....and with being positive, I am able to keep the faith.
positives today: packed more boxes; slept wonderfully; lots of puppy kisses; entertaining television (not tennis LOL); motivating friends; it's Friday; and God gave me another day to inspire others.....
I am not without my imperfections. Ok, so I mean faults. I'm not perfect. I don't proclaim to be, never had, and never will. I have sinned, but am wise enough to know that I must seek forgiveness. Sometimes life's lessons are harder to swallow than others, and it's taken me longer to ask for or even give forgiveness. I'm human, and only aspire to be as God intends me to be.
But I try.... and remember my faith every day. I'm a good person with good intentions. Each day is a reflection of who I am, what I am about, and where I am going. No one has the right to judge.....and if my blah blah blah blogs aren't your style, please pass them up.
In the big picture.....being positive is far more worthwhile than negative any day.....and with being positive, I am able to keep the faith.
positives today: packed more boxes; slept wonderfully; lots of puppy kisses; entertaining television (not tennis LOL); motivating friends; it's Friday; and God gave me another day to inspire others.....
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Is this move over yet?
I really hate packing. Period. I love the "moving into a new place and putting everything away" stage....but this packing part just sucks.
I don't know if it's because I don't have the motivation because I'm here all day alone or if I simply don't want to do it. It has to be done, so I have to do it. But do I have to love it?
There is still so much to do, and we're down to three weeks. I know that when it comes down to the wire, Walt will help me pack stuff. It's really just a couple of rooms left anyway. Then we get to clean.
Oh well....I'm really just bitching to hear myself.....it all has to be done, so I might as well as just do it and get it over with.
Thanks for listening........I love this faceless place.....
I don't know if it's because I don't have the motivation because I'm here all day alone or if I simply don't want to do it. It has to be done, so I have to do it. But do I have to love it?
There is still so much to do, and we're down to three weeks. I know that when it comes down to the wire, Walt will help me pack stuff. It's really just a couple of rooms left anyway. Then we get to clean.
Oh well....I'm really just bitching to hear myself.....it all has to be done, so I might as well as just do it and get it over with.
Thanks for listening........I love this faceless place.....
Stalking the UPS Man
Yes, I have resorted to not only stalking the mailman, but the UPS man as well. I LOVE receiving packages....it's like a wonderful surprise even though you know what you ordered.
Today I received two new eyeshadow palettes from BH Cosmetics. OMGosh....I LOVE the colors. I now have three 88 color eye shadows in matted, glittery, and neutral colors. I feel so spoiled.
I also received my Mary Kay order. In it there was much needed inventory, and some of the new eyeshadow colors. I just love it when I am able to supply my customers with the products they want.
Yesterday my 90 day supply of WEN products came......my new favorite hair cleanser. I just love how my hair feels after it's washed, but also two or three days later. It is never oily or greasy looking anymore. It's awesome.
I won't be able to order anything else for awhile. Two reasons....no job=no money.....and I don't know what our address will be after we get to Vegas. Seriously, I do think I am stocked up enough for a couple of months. And then.....watch out!!
favorite items I received today: of course, the two new color palettes, Mary Kay face cleanser, and new lip liners.
Today I received two new eyeshadow palettes from BH Cosmetics. OMGosh....I LOVE the colors. I now have three 88 color eye shadows in matted, glittery, and neutral colors. I feel so spoiled.
I also received my Mary Kay order. In it there was much needed inventory, and some of the new eyeshadow colors. I just love it when I am able to supply my customers with the products they want.
Yesterday my 90 day supply of WEN products came......my new favorite hair cleanser. I just love how my hair feels after it's washed, but also two or three days later. It is never oily or greasy looking anymore. It's awesome.
I won't be able to order anything else for awhile. Two reasons....no job=no money.....and I don't know what our address will be after we get to Vegas. Seriously, I do think I am stocked up enough for a couple of months. And then.....watch out!!
favorite items I received today: of course, the two new color palettes, Mary Kay face cleanser, and new lip liners.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Life as I know it
I've been sitting here reflecting everything that's happened in the last ten years, and it exhausts me. I ask myself, "Is this the path I was meant to follow?"
It has to be. I can't see anyone else walking in my shoes. Nor would I wish it on anyone. Furthermore, I wouldn't want to share the experiences. This life is MINE.
It hasn't all been without its bumps and valleys. I've certainly experienced more than some people, and far less than others. I'm blessed and cursed all at the same time.
Ten years ago this month, my marriage took a turn that I never imagined it would. My husband had a girlfriend who was refusing to accept that I also wanted him, and deserved him a lot more than she did. She was so wrapped up in her own wants/needs that she failed miserably to consider what her actions might be doing to a totally innocent party. Of course, Walter wasn't without his humongous fault in the whole "affair."
The months that followed were hell, to say the very least. It was also my opportunity to grow as a woman, person, mother, daughter, and friend.
re
Fast forward to July 2001. Seattle here we come. Not that I had a choice. I couldn't live in Las Vegas anymore. The memories and the chance I might run into "her" were more than I could handle. Walt had choices though. He could come with us, or he could stay.
You know what his choice was, and one I might say was probably the smartest decision he'd ever made in his life.
The years that followed were filled with many thousands of tears. We lost my Dad not even a year after we moved to Seattle, and then two years later, Walt's dad passed away suddenly. By 2007 my mother was also gone. So many important people in our lives to lose in such a short period of time. Yet, we survived. Who knew we could weather such heartache, let alone together.
We lost pets, dreams, family members (not in the "lost" sense but lost relationships), but grew closer together. Through all the loss, we gained mountains of trust, sensitivity, courage, and love. Yes, love. I can honestly say that I not only love this man I am married to, but I am IN love with him. Everything about him fills me with joy.....yes, yes.....even the things that annoy me I love. I love them because it's all a part of what makes up Walter. If he didn't drive me nuts or annoy me at times, where would we be? Perfection is not possible, but we're pretty darned close.
Now we are down to three weeks before we embark on yet another adventure aka BIG MOVE. I'm scared to death, yet filled with excitement. Change is hard, but necessary. The ironic thing is that we're going back to where all my worst nightmares were realized. However, we go back completely different people. Newly "remarried" people, childless (the kids are living on their own), older, thinner, stronger, and the best of friends. It's amazing.
This is my life as I know it....today. I can only imagine what lay ahead in the future. It's the not knowing part that makes life so exciting. It's not knowing that makes each day worthwhile, and a challenge. One thing I do know for sure. Walt is my best friend, and will be there until the end. No matter where we end up, we'll be there together. My girls will grow as women......and someday understand why I've been so neurotic where they are concerned. (ok, that was two things)
best Walter memories: Becky Chasko Day; wedding day; trip to NYC; comforting me while I grieved my parents; first kiss at the Hacienda; waking up after surgery and seeing his face; moving into our first house together; vow renewal; working together; vacation to Mexico; cruising; road trips; strong hugs.....to be continued......
It has to be. I can't see anyone else walking in my shoes. Nor would I wish it on anyone. Furthermore, I wouldn't want to share the experiences. This life is MINE.
It hasn't all been without its bumps and valleys. I've certainly experienced more than some people, and far less than others. I'm blessed and cursed all at the same time.
Ten years ago this month, my marriage took a turn that I never imagined it would. My husband had a girlfriend who was refusing to accept that I also wanted him, and deserved him a lot more than she did. She was so wrapped up in her own wants/needs that she failed miserably to consider what her actions might be doing to a totally innocent party. Of course, Walter wasn't without his humongous fault in the whole "affair."
The months that followed were hell, to say the very least. It was also my opportunity to grow as a woman, person, mother, daughter, and friend.
re
Fast forward to July 2001. Seattle here we come. Not that I had a choice. I couldn't live in Las Vegas anymore. The memories and the chance I might run into "her" were more than I could handle. Walt had choices though. He could come with us, or he could stay.
You know what his choice was, and one I might say was probably the smartest decision he'd ever made in his life.
The years that followed were filled with many thousands of tears. We lost my Dad not even a year after we moved to Seattle, and then two years later, Walt's dad passed away suddenly. By 2007 my mother was also gone. So many important people in our lives to lose in such a short period of time. Yet, we survived. Who knew we could weather such heartache, let alone together.
We lost pets, dreams, family members (not in the "lost" sense but lost relationships), but grew closer together. Through all the loss, we gained mountains of trust, sensitivity, courage, and love. Yes, love. I can honestly say that I not only love this man I am married to, but I am IN love with him. Everything about him fills me with joy.....yes, yes.....even the things that annoy me I love. I love them because it's all a part of what makes up Walter. If he didn't drive me nuts or annoy me at times, where would we be? Perfection is not possible, but we're pretty darned close.
Now we are down to three weeks before we embark on yet another adventure aka BIG MOVE. I'm scared to death, yet filled with excitement. Change is hard, but necessary. The ironic thing is that we're going back to where all my worst nightmares were realized. However, we go back completely different people. Newly "remarried" people, childless (the kids are living on their own), older, thinner, stronger, and the best of friends. It's amazing.
This is my life as I know it....today. I can only imagine what lay ahead in the future. It's the not knowing part that makes life so exciting. It's not knowing that makes each day worthwhile, and a challenge. One thing I do know for sure. Walt is my best friend, and will be there until the end. No matter where we end up, we'll be there together. My girls will grow as women......and someday understand why I've been so neurotic where they are concerned. (ok, that was two things)
best Walter memories: Becky Chasko Day; wedding day; trip to NYC; comforting me while I grieved my parents; first kiss at the Hacienda; waking up after surgery and seeing his face; moving into our first house together; vow renewal; working together; vacation to Mexico; cruising; road trips; strong hugs.....to be continued......
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Memories
I found myself caught up in the show "In Session" that was following a murder trial involving two teen age girls. The victim, was 18, and the murderer was 19.
The young woman has already been convicted, and today's show is about her sentence. This involves listening to victim's impact statements. I find myself tearing up, and feeling a deep sense of compassion and understanding for the families involved.
Twenty three years ago, I listened as my own parents read their impact statements to a judge in Missoula, MT. The murder of my sister, Betsy, rocked the small Montana town. Her death affected hundreds of people, and forever changed my family.
My parents stood before the court and pleaded for justice for my sister. Two of her teachers also gave statements.
It would seem that under the law (the In Session trial was in Florida), the minimum sentence for this young woman was 20 years. They ended up sentencing her to 27 years.
The judge who heard the trial of my sister's killer did a huge disservice to not only my sister, but the our community. His words were "there is no sentence I could impose that will bring the dead girl back." A profound statement.
I watched my parents relive the horror of losing their child all over again. I was young (just 22 years old), and at the time of sentencing was pregnant with my first daughter.
I lost all confidence in our judicial system that day. As shallow and immature as this may sound, I see all people as being guilty. I have a hard time stepping away from my own pain of having been failed by the court system to see that some people are genuinely innocent.
The young man that killed Betsy was sent to a boy's home until he turned 18, and then let out. Due to his inability to feel remorse, his life outside a restricted existence, he was involved in fighting and drinking once again. He was then placed in jail. He was released on house arrest a few months later, and went to Colorado to attend college.
By this time my parents had divorced, and moved thousands of miles away from each other. The person that killed myself could never do anything to bring her back, this is true. But remorse or lack of is a honest gauge of how a person views the act they did. He didn't see it any other way except "what it had done to him."
My parents were the only advocates for my sister's vindication.....and they were not heard.
As I watch this trial and sentencing, I am transported back to my own experience. Justice has a different definition to different people. Every day people make bad decisions that affect the lives of other people. My experience with a murder trial, burying my only sibling, and the aftermath of trying to put all the pieces back together have made me the person I am today.
My sister, although she gave up her life, wasn't the only victim. My parents, myself, my sister's friends, family, future children and husband......we are all the victims of one person's act of selfishness and indiscretion.
The memories are painful, but have lessened over the years. It's been so many years ago. My parents and sister now with God, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of them. Trials/television such as this drum up all those feelings and the pain, but they also remind me to keep the faith and stand up for what I believe.
It's all so sad.....
The young woman has already been convicted, and today's show is about her sentence. This involves listening to victim's impact statements. I find myself tearing up, and feeling a deep sense of compassion and understanding for the families involved.
Twenty three years ago, I listened as my own parents read their impact statements to a judge in Missoula, MT. The murder of my sister, Betsy, rocked the small Montana town. Her death affected hundreds of people, and forever changed my family.
My parents stood before the court and pleaded for justice for my sister. Two of her teachers also gave statements.
It would seem that under the law (the In Session trial was in Florida), the minimum sentence for this young woman was 20 years. They ended up sentencing her to 27 years.
The judge who heard the trial of my sister's killer did a huge disservice to not only my sister, but the our community. His words were "there is no sentence I could impose that will bring the dead girl back." A profound statement.
I watched my parents relive the horror of losing their child all over again. I was young (just 22 years old), and at the time of sentencing was pregnant with my first daughter.
I lost all confidence in our judicial system that day. As shallow and immature as this may sound, I see all people as being guilty. I have a hard time stepping away from my own pain of having been failed by the court system to see that some people are genuinely innocent.
The young man that killed Betsy was sent to a boy's home until he turned 18, and then let out. Due to his inability to feel remorse, his life outside a restricted existence, he was involved in fighting and drinking once again. He was then placed in jail. He was released on house arrest a few months later, and went to Colorado to attend college.
By this time my parents had divorced, and moved thousands of miles away from each other. The person that killed myself could never do anything to bring her back, this is true. But remorse or lack of is a honest gauge of how a person views the act they did. He didn't see it any other way except "what it had done to him."
My parents were the only advocates for my sister's vindication.....and they were not heard.
As I watch this trial and sentencing, I am transported back to my own experience. Justice has a different definition to different people. Every day people make bad decisions that affect the lives of other people. My experience with a murder trial, burying my only sibling, and the aftermath of trying to put all the pieces back together have made me the person I am today.
My sister, although she gave up her life, wasn't the only victim. My parents, myself, my sister's friends, family, future children and husband......we are all the victims of one person's act of selfishness and indiscretion.
The memories are painful, but have lessened over the years. It's been so many years ago. My parents and sister now with God, and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of them. Trials/television such as this drum up all those feelings and the pain, but they also remind me to keep the faith and stand up for what I believe.
It's all so sad.....
Monday, September 6, 2010
"Summer" comes to an end....
Labor Day weekend marks the end of Summer. In the good old days, it meant back to school shopping, school supplies, changing colors, and cooler weather.
This year, this last holiday of summer means packing up our house, cleaning, and following our dream of moving. We've made a huge dent this weekend. We're about 1/2 way finished. It's so exciting.
This next week will be a busy one since we're going to see Brad Paisley in concert next weekend. I've got to be motivated this week.
some of the things I can't live without: Walt; my cross necklace; coffee; flip flops, cell phone; makeup; my boo boo......
This year, this last holiday of summer means packing up our house, cleaning, and following our dream of moving. We've made a huge dent this weekend. We're about 1/2 way finished. It's so exciting.
This next week will be a busy one since we're going to see Brad Paisley in concert next weekend. I've got to be motivated this week.
some of the things I can't live without: Walt; my cross necklace; coffee; flip flops, cell phone; makeup; my boo boo......
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Top 10 Favorites....right now
My favorite things right now....no particular order.......products that I've used/tried recently that made a great impression.
Tree Hut's Tahiti Grass shea butter lotion.....smells and feels beautiful
my new favorite beer!!
Tree Hut's Tahiti Grass shea butter lotion.....smells and feels beautiful
my new favorite beer!!
This cheese is awesome and is low in points. It taste great on bread or crackers, or as a substitute for mayonnaise.
Pictures
I'm not sure when it happened, but it seems that recently I don't mind my picture being taken.Disclaimer to that is that I HAVE to have my hair done and makeup on.....but if that's done, there isn't much that will keep me from getting in front of the camera as much as I can.
Call it feeling better about myself since I've lost some weight or just not caring anymore.....either way, I discovered the "self portrait" option on my camera and use it all the time. I don't even need someone to actually take the picture anymore. I can do it myself. I've never considered myself a conceited person.....but it sort of feels that way sometimes.
So I'm proud of myself and want to share the fact that it can take up to an hour to do my makeup. (in the very recent past it took only 15 minutes) I don't mind that it takes longer......I like the outcome and using all the new makeup and tips I've recently received.
I apologize.....it's great being a woman.....and that includes makeup and hair.....period.
happy thoughts: going shopping with Vicki; packing; putting makeup on; long weekend with Walt; puppies; being able to put together a fantasy football team all by myself; friends
Friday, September 3, 2010
Missing my friends!
Work friends that is. I took for granted that I'd see my friends at work daily....and now that I haven't seen everyone every day, I'm depressed.
There are tons of electronic ways to stay in contact with my friends, and if it weren't for that, I'd probably have gone completely insane.
I feel so out of touch though....so out of the loop. I'm so jealous of the fact that Walt can see everyone during the week.
I feel so sorry for everyone that actually does call me. I'm chit chit chit away.....they don't get a word in edge-wise....sad. My friend S called today to ask for my advice, and off I went in a totally different direction. (Sorry S)
I'm making Walt take me out tonight so that I can socialize.....hello.....I'm a socializer.....I miss it!!
To my friends.....I miss you all so much......I'll miss you even more when we move......
Ok, back to packing.....
what's on tv: Judge Alex.....go figure.....
There are tons of electronic ways to stay in contact with my friends, and if it weren't for that, I'd probably have gone completely insane.
I feel so out of touch though....so out of the loop. I'm so jealous of the fact that Walt can see everyone during the week.
I feel so sorry for everyone that actually does call me. I'm chit chit chit away.....they don't get a word in edge-wise....sad. My friend S called today to ask for my advice, and off I went in a totally different direction. (Sorry S)
I'm making Walt take me out tonight so that I can socialize.....hello.....I'm a socializer.....I miss it!!
To my friends.....I miss you all so much......I'll miss you even more when we move......
Ok, back to packing.....
what's on tv: Judge Alex.....go figure.....
Friday!
I survived the second week of unemployment. Not that I had any doubt that I wouldn't. I think I've been working towards this for sometime.
Plans for today include packing more crates.....the kitchen is my concentration today. Since it's a 3 days weekend, Walt and I will be able to get quite a lot done together. Time is running out. This time next month we'll be well on our way to Las Vegas.
Being at home does have it's downfall though. I don't have anyone to talk to, so the minute Walt gets home he is bombarded with "chit chit chit chit" (that's me talking his ear off) I sleep a lot more, and have to really motivate myself to do something other than sleep. I miss my work friends and the socialization that went a long with seeing them every day.
But.....there are so many more upfalls (is that a word?) to being home. I have been able to clean, pack, and sleep. I feel relaxed and de-stressed.....which is a welcome couple of feelings. Have the opportunity to prepare for our move is such a blessing.
happy thoughts: Friday!; more crates boxed and ready to go; long weekend with Walt; meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow; makeup; puppies; family & friends.
Plans for today include packing more crates.....the kitchen is my concentration today. Since it's a 3 days weekend, Walt and I will be able to get quite a lot done together. Time is running out. This time next month we'll be well on our way to Las Vegas.
Being at home does have it's downfall though. I don't have anyone to talk to, so the minute Walt gets home he is bombarded with "chit chit chit chit" (that's me talking his ear off) I sleep a lot more, and have to really motivate myself to do something other than sleep. I miss my work friends and the socialization that went a long with seeing them every day.
But.....there are so many more upfalls (is that a word?) to being home. I have been able to clean, pack, and sleep. I feel relaxed and de-stressed.....which is a welcome couple of feelings. Have the opportunity to prepare for our move is such a blessing.
happy thoughts: Friday!; more crates boxed and ready to go; long weekend with Walt; meeting a friend for lunch tomorrow; makeup; puppies; family & friends.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
NO Nails!! And other stuff
I took my fake nails off.....not sure why, but I think I was just sick of them. I've been doing a lot of cleaning and packing, and they were so long. It was time. I feel naked without them, but I'll be glad not to have them once we start moving stuff.
At least today is a much better day than yesterday. Thank the Lord. It was rough. It didn't end on such a bad note though.
We went to Sonic for dinner (YUM), went to Walmart (got some new eyelashes and nail supplies so that I don't bite my nails), and then went to visit Holly. Good Evening......
Came home, watched LA Ink and fell asleep......so much good at the end of what could have been a totally ruined day.....
What's making me smile this morning: Caribou coffee; Greek Yogurt; sunshine; puppy snuggles; makeup organization; clean hair; detailed list of what needs to be done; my sweet husband.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Day do-over
This has not been the greatest day.
It started out alright. I got up and got ready to take Katie and Jager to the vet.
First we stopped at Petco. I don't know what I was thinking, but I thought it was a good idea to take both dogs into the store. Katie is just so neurotic, that I should have known she'd bark and go nuts. Jager, as always, is my well behaved little man. We needed a new harness for Miss Katie since she's such a chub. I found the cutest pink polka dotted harness with a matching leash. Then I noticed the skull and crossbones harness and leash. He had to have it.
I never had this much trouble with my children as I did "dressing" these two small dogs. It wasn't just getting the harness' on them.....but there were little kids....and they LOVE little kids.
$99 later.....we were on our way to Walmart......I noticed the motorcycle policeman behind me, but proceeded to "just drive" on my way. See where this is going? Of course....there go the lights and I pull over. I knew exactly why he stopped me. It was bound to happen.
Before you judge me.....or say "it's your fault".....I already know that. Actually I honestly think this is Walt's department. Making the car road "worthy" in my book is his responsibility. I pay the bills...make the payments......
On with the story. Now him pulling me over wouldn't have been such a big deal if Katie hadn't been in the car. That dog started barking and raising all kinds of cane.....she's in the back window....she's jumping from the back to the front.....she's everywhere. Ok, so my tabs were expired.....very expired....after explaining the emissions issue.....he still gave me a ticket. Still, getting the ticket wouldn't have been such a big deal (even to the tune of $200), but my dog was barking so loud, she could have drawn a crowd. People would think she was being killed or something.
After thanking the policeman for the ticket......(eyes rolling)......we proceeded to the drug store nearest to the vet to pick up the items I was going to Walmart for.
We got to the vet, and you'd think this was Katie's first visit to a vet's office. She barked....she whined.....she was nutso. I don't know why I was shocked or surprised. She's just this way all the time. We get into the examination room, and she's barking......now I have a headache.
Thankfully the staff and doctor are wonderful. She quiets down. Jager was the firs to be examined and given his shots. My little man weights 14 pounds.....if I hadn't seen it for myself, I'd never believe it. He's so sweet, and just lets them do whatever.
It's Katie's turn.....by now she's curious and calmed down. The doctor picks her up, and on the scale she goes. 16 pounds. How is that this chunk of a dog only weighs two pounds more than Jager?? I'm shocked. She actually did pretty good through the examination.
They were ready to head out the door after leaving the room.....we must pay.....LOL Katie starts in again.....she's just crazy. I was never so glad to get back into the car in all my life.....
I'm exhausted. They of course are sacked out from their adventure and shots. I could have it so easy....
I'm just ready for this day to be over, and move on.
through the negative, positives came through: it's sunny; ice cream; Judge Judy; a short nap; looking forward to having dinner at Sonic with Walt
It started out alright. I got up and got ready to take Katie and Jager to the vet.
First we stopped at Petco. I don't know what I was thinking, but I thought it was a good idea to take both dogs into the store. Katie is just so neurotic, that I should have known she'd bark and go nuts. Jager, as always, is my well behaved little man. We needed a new harness for Miss Katie since she's such a chub. I found the cutest pink polka dotted harness with a matching leash. Then I noticed the skull and crossbones harness and leash. He had to have it.
I never had this much trouble with my children as I did "dressing" these two small dogs. It wasn't just getting the harness' on them.....but there were little kids....and they LOVE little kids.
$99 later.....we were on our way to Walmart......I noticed the motorcycle policeman behind me, but proceeded to "just drive" on my way. See where this is going? Of course....there go the lights and I pull over. I knew exactly why he stopped me. It was bound to happen.
Before you judge me.....or say "it's your fault".....I already know that. Actually I honestly think this is Walt's department. Making the car road "worthy" in my book is his responsibility. I pay the bills...make the payments......
On with the story. Now him pulling me over wouldn't have been such a big deal if Katie hadn't been in the car. That dog started barking and raising all kinds of cane.....she's in the back window....she's jumping from the back to the front.....she's everywhere. Ok, so my tabs were expired.....very expired....after explaining the emissions issue.....he still gave me a ticket. Still, getting the ticket wouldn't have been such a big deal (even to the tune of $200), but my dog was barking so loud, she could have drawn a crowd. People would think she was being killed or something.
After thanking the policeman for the ticket......(eyes rolling)......we proceeded to the drug store nearest to the vet to pick up the items I was going to Walmart for.
We got to the vet, and you'd think this was Katie's first visit to a vet's office. She barked....she whined.....she was nutso. I don't know why I was shocked or surprised. She's just this way all the time. We get into the examination room, and she's barking......now I have a headache.
Thankfully the staff and doctor are wonderful. She quiets down. Jager was the firs to be examined and given his shots. My little man weights 14 pounds.....if I hadn't seen it for myself, I'd never believe it. He's so sweet, and just lets them do whatever.
It's Katie's turn.....by now she's curious and calmed down. The doctor picks her up, and on the scale she goes. 16 pounds. How is that this chunk of a dog only weighs two pounds more than Jager?? I'm shocked. She actually did pretty good through the examination.
They were ready to head out the door after leaving the room.....we must pay.....LOL Katie starts in again.....she's just crazy. I was never so glad to get back into the car in all my life.....
I'm exhausted. They of course are sacked out from their adventure and shots. I could have it so easy....
I'm just ready for this day to be over, and move on.
through the negative, positives came through: it's sunny; ice cream; Judge Judy; a short nap; looking forward to having dinner at Sonic with Walt
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