Vacation Day 2

We started our day at the La Brea Tar Pits.....totally cool place. All the skeletons that we took pictures of in the museum had been excavated in the tar pits.

We went through Beverly Hills, and then made our way down Santa Monica Blvd towards Hollywood. We saw Johnny Galecki from the show "Big Bang Theory" coming out af a small restaurant....OMGosh....a celebrity LOL He was with a very pretty girl.....our first ever Hollywood Celebrity Sighting! (we didn't get a picture cuz we were driving by but I found one of him on the internet) Then we went to Groman's Chinese Theater where all the hand and footprints are of the stars, old and new. I found Paul Newman's prints. I we walked down the star of fame, but couldn't find his star. We did find Fredrick's of Hollywood...woohoo!!

It was a great second day of our vacation. This morning we are packed and ready to head towards the cruise ship. We'll be off at 5pm today!! Yay, watch out Mexico, here we come!!

Vacation Day 1

We started out our first real day driving out of Grants Pass, OR. It was chilly, dark, but we were wide awake and ready to hit the road. We couldn't have been happier to cross over into California! There was a big "woohoo", and we had to stop and take a picture of the "welcome" sign.
The sunrise was beautiful as it rose over Mount Shasta. What a sight. Little did we know that along with the sun, would also follow temperatures in the 80's as we made our way south. We actually had to run the a/c after we passed through Stockton. We just laughed. What pansies we are!

Of course, we had to stop at Sonic for lunch. This is such a treat for us since we do not have a single Sonic in our part of the world. We savored our lunch....sad that a hamburger could bring such joy. We were surely surprised by the lower gas prices, and couldn't believe that gas was actually below $3 a gallon. This IS California afterall. We couldn't be happier though. Sure makes things better.

It was a stellar moment when we finally had 100 miles left until we reached Los Angeles. We spent the entire trip on I-5, which makes getting there mindless. As we got closer to the Los Angeles county line, traffic got more congested.

We got to Grapevine, CA and things got crazy. As we climbed through the mountains and made our way south, we really began to ask ourselves "who's idea was it to get to the LA area at rush hour?" The traffic was dense, and hair raising at times. It was sort of a trip down memory lane as we passed through Valencia and saw Magic Mountain. Brought back some fond memories of my childhood, and the days when my family lived in So. CA.

And then we reached Burbank, and traffic basically stopped. We had about 20 miles until we reached our motel. We were anxious. This was about 6pm. As we crawled through Burbank, we passed through North Hollywood, but there wasn't anything exciting to see. Bumper to bumper.

We passed the LA skyline and it was incredible. I don't care how many times I've seen it, it still amazes me. (I have the same reaction each time I see Mt. Ranier and it's in my backyard!) By this time, and hour and a half had gone by and we'd only gone about 5 miles. We were so anxious to just get out of the van and stretch......and still we crept south.

We finally reached our hotel at 8pm.....three hours after we reached Grapevine which was less than 30 miles away. I don't know how people can live here. We had traffic in Seattle, and we complain endlessly about it every day. But THIS was insane.

It was a memorable day, and a wonderful start to our vacation.

All Set!!

The car is packed......there were lots of doggie kisses this morning before we left.....the car is full of gas.....we have cash.....and my desk is clean at work!! I am ready....

I can't believe the day to leave is here.....it has taken forever for it to get here.

Sunny CA...here we come!!!

Finished!

No more pile!!! I got everything done that I had to do before leaving tomorrow!! I am so impressed with myself....

Now I feel that I can really be gone and not give work a second thought. Whatever comes in tomorrow can be done before we hit the road...woohoo!!!

I've got short-timers something terrible now......I can almost smell the tequila now.....

The never ending stack and other stuff......

Well, we have 1 1/2 days left before we blow this popcicle stand, and head south to sunny California. Before I can go, I have this HUGE pile of outside records that I need to prepare and scan......there is no way I could walk out the door knowing that it wasn't completed before I left for 12 days. I don't roll that way. But as I stare at it, I am amazed at the amount of work I need to do......thankfully it's easy, mindless stuff.....since of course my mind is on other things.

I enjoyed a long chat with my bud Elena this morning (Thanks Elena for being a fellow morning gal) I decided that we don't talk on the phone enough....mental note to self: call Elena more.

I'm not sure Walt and I are totally ok after a very heated argument over the rude way his mother treated me yesterday. (that's another blog....) For now, I just keep praying and hoping that this time away...change of scenery helps. Time alone in the car for hours will not doubt bring around some good conversation and hopefully resolution.

The dogs woke me up at 5am.....evidentally their inside alarm went off. Won't it be nice to have a break from them....man, I feel guilty for thinking/writing that. But it's true. Between Kleine scratching at the door, Jager licking my nose, and Katie being in heat.....we didn't get a lot of sleep last night. They don't know how close they are to being put in the kennel tonight. If we weren't going to be gone 12 days, I probably would put them there to get some sleep. But I won't have them there for so many days.....lol They'll be in their own designated spots.

3pm on Thursday can't get here soon enough......

Old Tapes are playing Part 1

I have lots of old tapes that play in my head, but one has been recurring a lot lately. I try to block them out, and its not always as easy as that sounds. This is where I hope to cut off those tapes.....just a bit outside of what I have been writing about since starting my blog. This is one of the reasons I started it too.....get things off my chest, and hopefully move on.

My Mother is gone now, and sadly she hoped the legacy of negativity would carry on long after she was gone. To a certain extent, she was right. It did stay. Its lingered, and penetrated so much of my life.

She lived in a world of negativity. That gray cloud always followed her world, and how her life turned out was the fault of all the people who touched her life. She didn't find any joy in being a mother and grandmother, family, and friendships. She could't get a long with women if her life depended on it, and this trashed her view of workplaces and experiences.

She blamed my father mostly. He was controlling, he made the choices, we loved him more, etc. He might have been two out of the three. But I really feel that at the beginning of their marriage, she let my father be in charge, and it was a role he didn't have an easy time of letting go when she wanted to stretch her wings. The solution, was divorce.

It was years after the divorce, she was still blaming him for things that had happened years and years before. She couldn't just let it all go, and move on. He was blamed for her being fired from a job, or losing a friendship, and he was blamed because Sarah enjoyed his company more than hers. In fact, until the day she died, she blamed my dad for everything. Nothing that happened to her could have possibly been her own fault.

I used to think this negativity was born after my sister died, but as the years went on, it became more clear to me that this is exactly the way she'd been my entire life. It became evident when I went to care for her most of 2006.

It wasn't that she didn't appreciate my being there. I looked at this as an opportunity to prove to my mother that I did love her, and her well being meant a lot to me.

I was there to cook and clean, and run errands for her since she couldn't drive herself. I did laundry, helped her bath, and advocated for her with her doctor. I did everything I could possibly do to make her comfortable and feel loved. It had been many years since I'd lived with her, and it didn't take long to realize why my mother lived alone most of her life. No one could live with her.

She kept secrets from me, and lied every chance she got. She told me what she wanted me to know, and I learned that this was the way she'd been for a very long time. I was there to serve, and I kept telling myself that she needed me, and nothing else mattered.

I was there for four months, and I began to really miss my husband, kids, dogs and home. She resented this. I told her it was time to make some decisions, because I couldn't stay forever. She grew angry and even more withdrawn. It was if I was betraying her.

During the last month I was there, we had some heated discussions or arguments, and so many things that I'd suspected came of them. I knew that once I left, I woudn't return and probably never see her again.

In the middle of one discussion, I asked her why she never loved or liked me. She told me that when I was two, my Dad threated to take me away during a fight. It was at that time, she emotionally checked out of any sort of mother/daughter relationship with me. Although in her defense, I have to say I think she tried over the years, but couldn't. It made so much sense to me when my sister was born, and she told me "now I have a baby and your father has you." Years later, when my sister died, she told me "I lost my child, and I'm stuck with you." It all made sense. It hurt like hell, but the truth set me free from feeling that it was something I had done.

She resented the grief I felt when my father died, and ultimately this is the tape that plays the most. I miss my dad so much, and on those days that I miss him more than others, I hear her saying I loved him more and that she knew I wouldn't miss her when she was gone. If only she knew the truth. I do miss my dad, but I know with all my heart he loved me, and was as proud as any parent could be other their child. I do miss her in spite of the hell she put me through most of my life. I can't say that I miss her to the depths that I miss my dad, since you can't really miss something that you never had. I feel more guilty than anything else that I don't miss her the way I miss my dad. It was as if she wrote this part of history long before it happened. She set me up to fail her. And I hate it.

The tapes don't play as long as they did before, but every now and then I hear my mother say how worthless I am, that I'm lazy and fat, and that I have always been a disappointment to her. I try to look around at what I've accomplished in my life, and reality is much better than her bitterness. I have a nice home, a good husband, my girls are everything to me, I have people who love me and want to be in my life, I work hard and I am appreciated at work, and I like me. That must piss her off to no end!!

Eventually the reruns have to go off the air, and I am going to really try to let this one go into the "lost tapes" vault forever. I have so much to be thanful for, and I have so much I should be proud of.

I will end this on a good note, and a happy thought. Sundays were my dad's favorite days in the Fall. It meant football. As I sit here on most Sundays, I honor him by doing the same thing, and I think he's sitting up there with God with his fist in the air and saying "that's my girl."

Now that's a legacy to be left with!!!

Bed Buddies

We share our king sized bed with 4 bed-hogging doxies. It's not so bad when we're just relaxing and watching tv. They are usually all over the bed. But once we snuggle in for the night, the crowding begins.

It could be for warmth, or simply the really believe they are sharing the bed with us. At least once during the night I am awakened by a licker or crowder. They all want under the blankets at first, but sometime during the night, one or all of them, get too hot and the bed hogging begins. Try moving a 20lb dachshund when she's fast asleep and has crowded you to the edge of the bed. Or the stubborn one that insists upon sleeping IN the pillows.

People say "don't let them sleep with you." Sure, that's easy in theory, and sometimes they do wind up in the kennel for excessive crowding. For the most part, they expect to sleep with since they always have, and we've gotten (at least most of the time) used to them being there.

Right now I am sitting up in bed, and I have a dog on each side. They just want to be wherever we are, and that's comforting. Don't ask me how comforting it is at 3am and I am trying to move the 20 pounder over, as you might get a different answer.

When we are away from home over night, we don't know how to handle having the entire bed to ourselves. It really is a vacation! Soon, we'll have 12 nights away from them......and will no doubt miss them.....for a moment. Once we return, it'll be back to the "pushing and crowding" that happens every night......

Don't be fooled....we'll miss the bed hogging, crowding, pillow sleepers.

Almost Ready

I think we're about ready to go on our vacation. We went food shopping so the kids wouldn't starve, I got my nails done, and our suitcases are packed. We have snacks and drinks for the drive. I'm amazed. I used to be the one packed weeks before a vacation.....I can't believe I waited so long.

So now we're physically ready to go, and I know we've been mentally ready for awhile.

Thursday can't get here fast enough.....at least we're ready!!

MySpace

MySpace has become one of my most favorite ways of communicating with friends and family. While I still prefer to email over picking up the phone any day, I know that I can sign onto MySpace and there will be some sort of update on a friend, relative or co-worker.

Gone are the days when MySpace was for the teen crowd, or those looking to "hook up". (Although I must say kudos to MySpace for bringing our friend Beth and her fiance Chris together) Now you can basically message your friends with the click of a button, create a page that is uniquely you, and stay on top of the happenings of your favorite musicians and celebrities, and share wierd crap with everyone you know.

I originally created my MySpace at the request of our youth group at church. They welcomed us to "their world" and it was a fun way to stay in touch away from church. Sadly, no one remains from the original 10 kids, and I have solely the people I've requested as friends.

I have to brag just a bit....I'm even friends with my daughters. This hasn't always been the case since I am sure their own pages were filled with private stuff that Mom doesn't need to know. Nothing surprises me anymore, but I think it was the one thing they had that was completely private from Mom. I guess they don't have much to hide these days.....lol Sadly, the only way I know Sarah is ok is by checking her MySpace page to see if she's logged in recently.

My favorite part of MySpace is the commenting. I love to give comments, and getting them is the icing on the cake. Some people, who shall remain nameless, really get creative, and I'm jealous.

I've tried to express to friends that since I spend the better part of my work day dealing with patients, attorneys, doctor's offices, talking on the phone, and have constant interactions with people, I'm not always willing to just jump on the phone to talk. One sure way to get my attention is to leave a MySpace message since I check it daily. Some people have taken this hint, and tried using this method. Others, well....we don't communicate much.

One last note about MySpace. It is not a hard and fast rule, but you can generally tell where a person ranks in someone's life by where they are placed in that person's top friends. I didn't notice this until months ago when I couldn't find my picture on Sarah's page. I was there, but somewhat down the list. Then I started checking out the order of other people's, and it seems to be a pattern.

Note to my MySpace friends: I embrace this method of seniority in one's life.....it'll be a sad day when Adam Carolla ranks higher than my kid.....but it could happen!

I wonder what the ratio is between the younger people and the no-so-young people who use MySpace......this ain't your kid's MySpace anymore!

Its the weekend, finally!

It would seem this has been the longest week in history. I know it's because I wanted it to go by fast because we'll have a short one next week. Plus, it means our vacation is that much closer.

The week started out with an anxiety attack, and I have been dealing with that as well. Thankfully, the medicine helps. But I never know when they are going to hit me....but I am learning to do my best to keep them at bay......

Highlights of my Friday: seeing Walt's Friday smile....puppy kisses.....carmel latte first thing this morning.....listening to Adam Carolla on the radio while driving to work.......text messages from Elena......finished another box of retired charts.....reading a wonderful blog of a friend......5pm: time to go!!.......pizza for dinner.....relaxing with my honey and doggies........

What a day......thank God it's Friday!

**picture is of me and my good friend Pele'. (aka Walt's alter ego)

Get A Grip

The term "get a grip" has taken on a whole new meaning for me. Since the onset of the anxiety attack earlier this week, I find myself using this as a personal mantra. Never again will I tell someone to get a grip without really taking the time to see if they are actually hanging on by a thread, or knee deep in melodrama.

I am in the process of gaining my grip. I don't have a clue where I lost it, or when it disappeared, but obviously I need to find it again.

On a lighter note, we have 7 days until we hit the road for our vacation....who's counting? I am basically packed, and will finish up this weekend.

On my list of things to do: Nails: a must when traveling....nice looking nails; make sure the car will be stocked with plenty of water.....there's a lot of nothing-ness between here and LA; finish up packing - you know count the number of underwear and make sure there are plenty...I don't want to have to be out buying underwear on vacation!!; lots of charged batteries and chargers....drives me nuts to run out of good batteries!!; clean the house...that way it's clean when we get back (or so we hope since we'll have housewatchers).

I know I'll think of lots more over the next few days.....oh, and I'll continue to get a grip.....

One Eyed Jake

Eight hours a day, 5 days a week, it's all me and One-Eyed Jake to get all this bloody work accomplished. He supervises, and demands a clean poop deck! I don't fall out of line too often as it seems to preturb him, and I don't think a one eyed, preturbed sock monkey is a good thing to have around.

When I am not here, he watches with his good eye to make sure no one takes my favorite pens, and damn them if they do. One-Eyed Jake will find them, and Lordy be to them at that time. He's the guard and keeper of the pens, of my favorite hand lotions, and no one better put something in a place it does not belong.

The cleaning people must have quite a time when they need to dust...although it doesn't seem as though lately they've done much dusting on my desk.....it was an inch thick the other morning. Of course, One-Eyed Jake told me to swab the deck!!! And I did!

He is a good listener, and when I need to vent, he's all ears (as you can tell) I don't have to bother my co-worker with needless chatter about the smallest things that irritate me to no end. But One-Eyed Jake, he's my buddy, and always tells me exactly what to do in order to handle the situation.

I'm a little worried about leaving Jake while I'm on vacation....and I dare mention to him that there could be pirates aboard the ship we are sailing on. It's been too long since he's felt the sea air on his socky face.....or swung from the ropes of the sails.

Beware when you visit my cubicle.....He's quiet....and you may not notice him at first. But he'll hear you first!!! (for obvious big ear reasons)

Aye Matey!!!

A Surprise Gift

After such a long day of my anxiety level going up and down, I got home to find a special present from my friend Elena. It coudn't have come at a better time, or when I needed a little love from a friend.

<--On one side of the bracelet it says "The Longer we're Friends".....and on the other side it says "the brighter my world."

I am so lucky to have Elena for a friend. Some might even agree that she's closer to a sister than anything else. We've always joked that we had to have her mother when we were separated at birth......Lord knows we wouldn't want to have been both born from my own mother.

I always know that no matter how busy her own life is, she'll find the time to include me in it. That's what friends do! We may not talk on the phone, but plenty of text messages, goodie packages, and cards pass between us. She's a very special friend.

And....I get to see her in a week or so!! Woohoo!! I can't wait.

PS. Elena, thanks so much for thinking of me....it means the WORLD to me!!

B

Anxiety - The Sneak Attack & Road Trip

For a Monday, yesterday was going pretty good. Lots of work to stay busy, and its always fun on Mondays to catch up on what everyone else was up to.

Sometime in the late afternoon, I started to feel boxed in, clammy, and had a urge to just RUN away! It was like one long hot flash that didn't go away. My breathing grew faster, and it sort of scared me. Thankfully my co-workers are understanding souls, who comforted me and helped me somewhat "calm down." (I work with some incredible ladies!)

All of a sudden, I have joined a club of unwilling members who, like me, have experienced the dreaded "anxiety/panic attack." I wouldn't have known who would suffer these attacks, since they are basically silent assailants who can catch you off guard.

I couldn't get into see my doctor, which is unfortunate since I still have no clue how such a thing could happen without notice and it somewhat frightens me. There isn't anything more terrifying that being paralyzed with an unknown entity, but feel the need to flee as far away as possible. I was given a prescription for a medication that did in fact, calm the nerves and talked my brain down from the highest tree in the neighborhood.

Have I crossed over some invisible line between "I've always got it together" to "I've got it together most of the time"? Has my ability to handle everything I'm faced with been tweeked, and now have to prepare myself for those moments when my "handle things at all cost" is replaced by "how do I get the hell out of here?"

Just when I am confident all my ducks are lined up and quacking in tune, one guy decides to share his rendition of "dixie land express" and throw everyone into a marti gras mood, and I'm randomly showing my boobs for beads. Something I would not do unless 1)my body was invaded by aliens, 2) had enough Tequila that my clothes have a mind of their own, or 3)I've just stepped so far out of my own comfort zone that all decency is lost in the wind. My ducks generally all step in line and play harmoniously......but yesterday, we were off tune a bit.

I am now one of "those" people. I've always had the upmost empathy for "those" people, since much of my life I have been exposed to or witnessed mental episodes. On more than one occasion, I had to talk my mom out of her own tree, and do my best to understand. The medication just eases the brain's trauma of feeling helpless, but it's not knowing why the brain swerved off the road that remains a mystery. I now must explore why my brain detoured. It's tough being someone who has everything organized and planned for a road trip, and something throwns a spike into the road and throws the whole thing off. We're on a schedule you know!! We don't have time for flat tires or anxiety attacks.

Hopefully there will be good news from the doctor later.....at least to ryhme or reason to the unexpected invasion of my ability to keep it all together.

For now, all I know is that Ativan is my friend.......

Stress, or the lack there of

Stress relief.....we're supposed to wear a little device that is going to tell us when we're stressed and help us breathe through it.....WTF? In theory its a good idea, but we work in a stress filled environment who is managed by a stress carrier. Until she unloads her bag full of stress, we're destined to forever carry the load of stress she so thoughtfully dumps at work.

Now here are some stress relievers for work that I'd happily embrace:

Bring your dog to work Fridays; coffee stand available throughout the day at Admin; burning the dress code; a room with massage chairs for 15 minute breaks; a snack machine; 4 day work weeks; have a suggestion box and actually take the suggestions into consideration; 1 vacation that is required every quarter - paid of course;

Stress relievers that actually work away from work: reading a good book; emailing a good friend; back rubs from my husband; Friday nights at Gonzo's; not talking about work when I'm NOT at work; snuggling in bed with all my four legged friends; doing something nice for someone else without being asked to; Sunday morning church; Red Beers; scrapbooking; being honest; weekends away and still not talking about work; and planning a vacation with good friends that is coming up fast......and NOT talking about work the whole time we're away!!

Stress is a natural part of everyone's life......you either carry it or you're the one they are giving it to.....I choose to not to give stress.....and I'm working on how to keep others from giving me theirs.....there has to be a trick.....

More Love, Less Stress!!!!

Fall and Football

This time of year I miss my dad the most. He loved football....college and the NFL. It's hard to watch a game without remembering his reactions, and how he'd be glued to the tv from Saturday morning to Sunday evening.

I find myself saying the same things he used to say during very exciting or disappointing games. I certainly did inherit his love of sports, and the competition that goes along with it. Walt and I pretty much stayed tuned all day Sunday to the different games being played around the country, and yep, saying the same things we might have heard from the room my dad was in.

Fall is for pumpkins, candy corn, Halloween costumes, apples, Thanksgiving, and football. As the trees begin change and remind us that the seasons are once again changing, I feel the twinge of grief that still remains after the 6 Fall seasons my dad has missed. I know that wherever he is, he's still hanging in there for the Redskins in the event they actually make it to another Super Bowl.....

Last fall I was couped up in an office that had a second story view of downtown Kent, and I watched the leaves from the trees across the street change, and then fall to the ground. This year I have a ground view of the parking lot with no trees or proof that fall has even arrived. While the move here is the best possible thing that could have happened to me, I am reminded of the first few months I spent at the clinic......what a difference a year can make.

I'm on a mission to photograph Fall....and capture what Fall means to me.....and preserve it for my Dad.

Pictures to follow.

Two Weeks

Two weeks from today, Walt and I will be boarding a cruise ship that is southbound for Mexico.....this in itself could be a dream come true....a dream vacation!

What makes this vacation so special is that we are meeting Elena and Frank, and traveling with them on this cruise. We have known Elena and Frank for almost 10 years, and always had such a great time with them when they'd come to Vegas or we'd travel to Phoenix to see them. We meshed as only real friends can.....clicked.

We lost touch.....for reasons that are not even worthy of saying here. It happens. Differences of opinion, disappointment, miscommuncation, and just life.....whatever the reason, it happened.

And then one day......we're talking, emailing...texting. Re-establishing the old familiarities, and creating new ones. Accepting the downfall of the friendship, and vowing that it'll be better and stronger. Getting to know each other, and yet simply picking up where we left off.

This is a friendship that although dormant, was there. Sleeping until a time when the special-ness and uniqueness is not only wanted, but needed. Evolving....and growing.

We will spend 7 days at sea with them.....getting to know each other again, catching up, and making new memories.......I can't wait.

My life isn't filled with a wide circle of people who are close to me.....or that I trust. Elena and Frank are in my circle, and I am so grateful.

I need this....girl time with someone I trust......catch up on what her life has been like these last eight years, and go forward.....never again will we lose touch!

14 days and counting..........

Me

Me...so many sides to who I am. I'm not so much complex as multi faceted....unpredictable at times, and plainly obvious at other times.

Favs: Extra hot lattes, preferrably carmel; flip flops....I hope to live somewhere someday where flip flops are worn daily; the ocean....any related to being, seeing, smelling, feeling the ocean and it's shores (flip flops optional); taking pictures....my dream job; my Boo-Boo.....always helps me have a good night's sleep (its a blanket); Disneyland; chocolate; purses; the color red; the movie Working Girl; Washington Redskins; men in uniform; Vicortia Secret; roses; Christmas; red, white and blue.....true American!; rainy fall days; pirates; country music; warm oatmeal raisin cookies; sunsets; Ghost Hunters; shoes;

Un-Favs: pretentious people; lies; brussel sprouts; jagermeister....blech; loud people; being without my cell phone; junk mail; cigarette smoke; political ads; mean people; doing laudry; menopause....total sucks;

Can't live withouts: Walt; knowing my girls are safe; puppy kisses; hugs and kisses; friends who are sincere; my cell phone and laptop; heels; emails from friends; text messaging; makeup; shopping; my camera; music in my world; vacations; my self confidence; COFFEE;

Here we go again!

Blogging....I've fallen off the blogging wagon so many times, I'm still somewhat shocked that I have yet created another blog site. But yet, here I am. I've got stuff to say, and whether anyone really reads it isn't the issue, but rather putting it out there for the cosmos can't hurt......

I've got a lot to say, and yet the majority of it isn't conversation worthy for those in my life. It's the random, "get it off your chest" topics that friends and people close to me might have heard time and time again. (If that's the case, deal with it) Life is too short to keep things bottled up inside, and you never know when you say something that it might just be something someone out there might find interesting.

So with all that, I've created this blog, read it, laugh.....conclude that I'm not "all there", but know I am honest, outspoken, slightly mental, and welcome your comments etc. Otherwise, if you don't like it...in the words of Walter the puppet "shut the hell up."

B