Lies

What do you do when someone you trust more than anyone else in the world lies to you?   Is the admission of the lie well after the fact diminish the attempt to reconcile the facts? 

I wish I knew.  Someone very close to me lied about something that if revealed as the truth in the beginning, wouldn't have warranted judgment from me.  The lie was really so minute that I'd probably waxed over the real fact but to inquire about the overall event.  I am not a close-minded person nor do I hold people up for judgment when they've done something even they deem unscrupulous.  I don't operate that way, especially with a close friend.  I've been known to say "Well, that's not what I would have done," but never would I tell them it was the wrong thing to do. 

I shouldn't allow this to completely cloud the bigger picture of our friendship but the idea of lying about such a small detail (at least to me when the bigger picture represents the real essence of this event and not this small detail), but I can't help it.  If you'll lie about such a small issue (at least to me it's small) then you'll have no trouble lying about bigger, more important details.  I don't lie, period.  I have been lied to so much in my life that I can't stand liars or to even lie, a little.  I guess that's why this bothers me so much. 

It doesn't help that it was glossed over about the lie with an excuse of feeling self-concious and ashamed.  Really?  If it's something you have lie about then it isn't a good thing.  If you believe in what you're doing, what you've said or your actions, then there is no reason to lie, right?  Tarnishing a good relationship with a lie creates suspicion and future moments of wondering if what's being said is real or not.  Add the fact that most events aren't being shared to the lie, and I have to seriously consider the friendship's validity and meaning.

Saddens me really. 

Goals

Okay, goals are just a different way of saying resolutions except when you set a goal, there is a level of expectation of accomplishing them.  At least that's how it seems to me. Every resolution I've ever "made," had a failure rate of 100%.  So my mindset is more of setting goals, maybe even on at a time, and accomplishing them.  Stick to it.  Not something I'm very good at since I am easily bored, especially if results are slow in appearing.

But I am going to try, even make more of an effort to reach these goals.  This is my last full year of the 40's and I intend to get somewhere with things I have had control over but was too lazy to address. 

Referring back to my resolutions blog, I will pinpoint the areas that can be short term goals and then set those long term goals as needed.

I can do this.

New Friend

Last summer an old friend contacted me through Facebook.  He was actually my first boyfriend at age 14.  He was something special to me.  A few years after we'd been separated by a move my parents made to Alaska (from KY where this guy lives), we got back in touch with each other over the course of a couple of weekends.  Then no contact for over 23 years.

Then he found me and we struck up a conversation, had many text messages and spoke on the phone.  I tried to learn as much about his current life as possible since I am always curious and wanted to know everything.  I thought he was just a private person when he didn't share much.  We flirted but it was always in an innocent and familiar way and never crossed the line of being inappropriate.

Then one day, he crossed the line.  He wanted a nude picture.  I don't care if I was model-perfect, he wasn't going to get a nude picture of me then or ever.  I'm married, honor my marriage vows and have a whole lot more respect for myself than that.  The conversations wained after my refusal and reminder that I was married. 

Fast forward several months. I got a call from his wife accusing me of trying to take her husband....etc. etc.  None of which was true but she was over the top angry because she'd discovered my number and a couple of emails.  Nothing inappropriate was said to him but to her, having gone through this with him in the past, thought he was cheating with me.  I don't blame her for her anger and even offered for her to speak to my husband if she wanted even more confirmation that nothing was going on.

She and I talked that evening for three hours.  A lot was cleared and straightened out, and I found out many areas where he'd simply lied to me.  I was hurt and angry at him.  Why would he do that? 

Since then, she and I have been texting on and off.  It doesn't seem as though she has anyone in her "real" life that she can confide in since he's a well known policeman in the very small town where they live.  She's basically dealing or not dealing with this alone.  I offered to help.

I have a new friend.  If I hadn't met her this way and I met her under different circumstances, I'd like her and want to be her friend.  Isn't it wierd?  She is very sweet and is a lot like me.  We've had similar experiences and share a love of fashion etc.

I hope that we can build this friendship in spite of her stupid husband.  He's completely off my radar and out of my life and I'd really rather not to talk about him at all.  I like her.  We'll see how it goes.

Shopping for a new church

It's been awhile since we've been regular members at a church.  Our last church was kind of hard to top, and leaving was very hard.  We didn't have much choice since we were moving to another state.  When we got to our new home, we tried going to our "old" church but it wasn't the same.

Not the same as when we were there before and not the same as the church we just left.  What a wierd position to be in.  We both agreed that we'd "shop" for our new church.

We did find a very small congregation where we felt comfortable but it was short-lived since we ended up moving back to WA.  Hurray, we'd get to rejoin our most loved church.

Except that's not how it all turned out.  We ended up finding a home miles away from the city where the church congregated.  Getting up and making it to service on a Sunday was going to be rough.  We tried a couple of Sundays and found the long drive seeming not as worth it - and then there was the fact that we didn't really feel as though we fit in any more.  A pickle.  What to do now?

We've lived in our current house for over a year and STILL don't have a church home.  It's not that there aren't plenty of ELCA churches in our city.  There certainly are.  Motivation is minimal and it makes me feel incredibly guilty.  Yet, I don't drag myself to church....even to "shop."

So as part of RESOLUTION for 2013, I am going to begin my search for a church home.  I need the spirituality, fellowship and commitment that I get from having a church home.  I'm hopeful.  We need this to strengthen our relationship with God and each other.  We have to find a place where we feel welcomed and a part of the bigger community of Lutherans.

So, Sunday we'll try on a new church.  God help us, LOL.

2012 Favs

2012 was a busy year.  Started a new job, froze to death for a week when the power was out due to a snow/ice storm, Walt lost and then found another job, MIL visited, Jager was injured, friend events that were amazing, visited Noel, and the holidays were amazing.  Here are my top 10 best things that happened in 2012:

1.  Watching Jager walk after his injury.

2.  New comittment from my husband

3.  Seeing Aerosmith live

4.  On-call position turned to full-time

5.  Angus joined our family

6.  Rid myself of unhealthy relationships

7.  The power coming back on after 5 days in the dark/cold

8.  Trip Walt planned

9.  Made new friends

10.  Best Christmas in a long time.

I'm so blessed and thankful for all the good things that are in my life.  The bumpy parts of 2012 are gone....in the past.  I am hopeful for 2013.

Here's to keeping my RESOLUTION list alive!!!

Resolutions

I'm not good with making AND keeping resolutions.  I always have the best of intentions but my enthusiams wains after a few days.  Change it hard, even for someone who hasn't had much trouble dealing with change.

Plus, I think I get bored easily.  If there isn't anything fun or exciting about it, I tend to get bored with it. So my resolution this year is to resolve to stick with whatever I start.  Whether it be eating better, exericising (engaging in some sort of activity that can be viewed as exercise), organizing at home, appointments....whatever it may be.  If I start it, I see it through to the finish.  This is probably the single most difficult sounding resolution I've ever made, but I'm hopeful.  I can do this.

In the spirit of setting goals aka resolutions, here are some areas I need to work on:

R:  Remember birthdays

E:  Embrace who I am

S:  Speak kinder

O:  Organize my life (and the things in it)

L:  Listen to my inner voice more

U:  "Unmotivated" is not in my vocabulary

T:  Take care of my body better

I:  Invite people to dinner more often

O:  Optimize my time more

N:  Nurture the healthy relationships in my life

I CAN do this.....okay 2013, let me see what you've got!!