sleep evades me

It's been a really long time since I've been woken up in the middle of the night and couldn't fall back to sleep. So here I am. Even the Internet is boring at this time of night.
This never happens. Maybe I've just got too much on my mind. I fell asleep thinking about lots of stuff. Even the sleeping med I take couldn't keep the thoughts out for the night.

Still so much to do around here, but for now there's plenty of time. If I just work,ed a few hours a day we'd pretty much be ready to go on our date of departure of October 2nd. (its sort of scary and exciting to have an actual date now)

It's been a really long time since we did anything so spontaneous, and I think even Walter gets freaked out sometimes. We've lived in this house 8 years, and have been in the Seattle area a total of 9 years. It's a long time, and we have put down roots. Uprooting ourselves I think has been the hardest. I can live without 1/2 of the stuff we have in our house, but we've grown so attached and have so many memories wrapped up in them, I'd miss them eventually. Thankfully we have a pretty good archive of pictures scattered throughout the house to immortalize our time in Seattle and all the adventures we've had along the way.

It's been a good run I must admit. Of course it hasn't been without it's heartbreak too. My dad dying shortly after moving here, and girls both living with their dad before I was ready to let them go, and then my mother's death. It's been a lot of roller coastering, that's for sure. For the most part we weathered the tragedies well. We always seem to bounce back. I'm pretty sure it's because of the circle of people we allow into our inner circle that has helped us so much. Staying grounded and focused on things helps move through
the pain or crisis.

Even having lived in this house for 8 years and dumping most of my inheritance in to it hasn't created much of a bond for me. It's a place, and it has served it's purpose. We more than got our money out of it, and hopefully in today's market, we'll break even and just walk away. As the pictures and mementos are packed away, the house becomes more of a shell of all the memories, and I feel detached. It is the "things" that make the home, and not the place we choose to leave them. I will be happy anywhere as long as I have Walt and our furry kids. The stuff is just and added bonus. I'm sure we'll continue to acquire more stuff as we move through life.

While I am happy and relieved that we are leaving, I am also somewhat scared about what the future will bring. I have no doubts that Walter isn't going to land the most fabulous job, and those worries will cease to exist. Maybe then I can take my time and find a job that suits me and my current needs. I don't want to have to accept a job simply on the basis we need the money, and if he gets there unemployed that's how it will be. I won't complain, but secretly I am praying and hoping for the other scenario. GO WALT GO!!!

The absolute hardest part of leaving is knowing I won't see my girls. It's not like we spend a great deal of time together now, but I always have the comfort of knowing I can just get in the car and drive over to see them. That will be a hard adjustment. Thankgoodness for the internet and places like Facebook. Half the people we're leaving behind will be able to communicate with us there. At least I won't feel totally disconnected from everyone we know. But I will miss the idea of seeing them whenever I want. They are both still so confused about where they are going and what direction their life is headed. I am not sure my being here would help them out in that area any more than if I was 2000 miles away. I can still help when they need me, it will just be at a distance. I'm so proud of them for trying so hard to make it on their own and be grown up. It hasn't been without their mistakes, but I think given the circumstances, they've done pretty well. They just have a lot to learn still, and that can be painful for all of us.

God has us on this path for a reason, and I'm a willing participant. I so believe that when a doors opens and you are brave enough to walk through, good things will be on the other side. It may be hard at first, and we may even struggle, but we'll make it and everything will work out. We're blessed with friends who want to come and visit, and this will help the transition easier. A little bit of "home" now and then will be good.

I'm not sure our reasons for going are even the same reasons we originally started with, but I know this whole move has evolved just since we put it in motion. I will be tested in the patience department regularly with regards to Walt's mom, and I have no doubt that I am not up for the challenge. I can face anyone....it's all in our one deals with it. I'm not worried. There too will be an adjustment since it's been so long since we've lived close to her.

There are also my worries about old memories and tapes flooding my mind at first. Everything reminded me of Walt's affair the first few times we visited there. It got better with each visit. So much so, I guess I reached a point that I could handle the idea to even consider living there again. Here we are moving back. I see two completely different people though who are 100% committed to each other, which is a FAR cry from the two idiots that moved here 9 years ago. I will have to pray a lot and put my faith in Walt and in God. This is what we're supposed to be doing, and everything will work out.

random thoughts at 2am: whens breakfast; nighttime tv sucks; the dogs don't like it when there is too much movement at night.....they then move a lot; the thought of living in Las Vegas brings a smile to my face; I'm ready for week 2 of unemployment; I need to make a list of things that I need to get done and stay on a schedule....works better for me; I miss seeing my friend Shannon; coffee is going to taste hella good in the morning.

B

My going away party was so much fun. Who knew I had so many friends? We enjoyed conversations, pool, and darts.....it was so nice seeing everyone interacting with each other since our friends (mostly from work) are so diverse. Boss' showed up along with their employees, and it was comfortable and relaxing. I feel so incredibly blessed!! I am going to miss everyone so much.

Roger and Cyndi Me and Harald

Me and Mike (wow)
Visiting with everyone

Good food and good friends!

Regina, Angel, Debbie, Lisa, Vicki, and Roger with us
There just aren't words to express how deeply honored I am that so many people came out to see me off.....I know that the friendships I have made since working at HP will long outlast the length of time I worked here.

We danced and drank....and laughed so much. I will forever remember this evening......

day after thoughts: I drank too much; probably ate too much; laughed so hard I lost my voice; cried when I shouldn't have; did cry when I should have; LOVE my friends....they are my family.

B

Busy Day!

We had our crap outside for the yearly yard sale. I hate people going through my stuff, but I do not want to move all this stuff. We didn't do that great, but some stuff did go. Yay!

We are getting ready to head to Gonzos for our going away party. I can foresee a few beers, tequila, and good times ahead.....pictures to follow.....

things that made me smile today: WALT; sunshine; socializing with our neighbors; getting ready for our night out (including false eyelashes which I got to stay on); life.....

You Tube

I need therapy.....seriously. I have been addicted to You Tube since I discovered all the different types of videos you can watch.

The types of videos I've been watching are mostly makeup and hair videos.....and I have four gals I follow faithfully. I sound so pathetic huh?

I've received tips on where to find the greatest makeup, and the tips...oh man....totally changed how I apply my makeup. Due to these videos, I've purchased more makeup in the last month than I did in a whole year!!

My new favorite brands of eye makeup are MAC and Kat Von D. I am amazed at the texture and quality that they bring to my eyes. Of course I am and probably always will be a faithful Mary Kay skin care (which includes foundation and powder). I've also purchased and tried false eyelashes. I never thought I'd ever go that far.....but they are awesome!

The electronic world always amazes me. How we communicate and share information in this electronic world is wonderful. (not to mention this is how I met my sweetheart)

You Tube.....check it out....

My Little Friend

I've learned so much from my dog Jager. If he were a human, I know he and I would still be the best of friends.



He is a great listener. Always a good trait to have if you're going to be some one's best friend. He makes it impossible not to listen to him, since he rarely barks etc. When he speaks, you listen.



He cherishes our friendship, and goes so far as protect it. When anyone gets close to me (hugging etc) he gets in the middle of things, barks, and nudges me to remind me he's there. I'm not sure who he prefers (me or Walt) since he plops himself down next to both of us. Many times, he'll lay on Walt's legs, and even makes himself comfortable on his back when he's sleeping. Jager is very possessive.



But when it's just him and I, he's never far away. Usually he's plastered up against me so I can't forget his presence. Some times I'll wake up in the middle of the night and there he is on my pillows. I have this tiny corner of pillow, and he's made a comfortable bed for himself. Hard to get angry.....and I never push him away. Not sure why.



He makes it nice to snuggle since he doesn't mind the closeness. Although sometimes he would prefer that I not make him LOL He has a kind face, and never looks angry or mean. Children can't help but want to pet him.



I have spoiled him. He makes it so easy. He wears a Coach collar....nothing but the best for my boy.



I have a few people in my life that enrich it....and I couldn't imagine life without them.....but Jager reminds me cherish those friendships and give as much as I receive.

Think I'll go snuggle......

Friday thoughts: good friends are meant to be cherished; God is good; I'm grateful for all my blessings; I survived the first week of unemployment

Random Life thoughts

I talked to my youngest child today....granted she's not a child anymore and is a woman of 20. It never ceases to amaze me how she views the world and her place in it. She is the most genuinely giving and caring person.....how did I birth this child? She's such a better person than I could ever try to be. I don't see her that often now, and she's getting ready to move farther away. (to Tacoma) I know that moving is going to be hard for me.....at least now I can get in the car and go and see her. It won't be that easy. But she's sharing a lot more, and I feel less disconnected.

Headaches.....suck. Not getting much sleep last night due to Katie getting sick didn't help. I just don't feel like doing anything. Sad part is I am in the same spot I was in when Walt left this morning. There is something seriously wrong with me. Maybe my 2nd week off unemployment will be better LOL I'm just tired.....

Weight Loss......it's amazing. But it's cost my husband dearly. All the new clothes, makeup etc....hee hee....if he'd only known how it would end up. And I'm not done losing....holy cow!

My first week of unemployment is almost gone.....wow......next week will be a lot more productive......

happy thoughts: Neto coming through surgery well; breezy afternoon; friends who love me for me; my children; clean hair; cooler weather....

Ghost Hunters!!

Yay!! The new season of Ghost Hunters starts tonight!! Normally I'd have to Tivo it because it comes on so late at night. (I usually fall asleep early)

I am totally stoked by this new season......next will be Dexter and that's totally awesome!!

favorite tv programs today: Man v Food; Ghost Hunters; Judge Judy; Y & R; Say Yes To The Dress; People Court.....it was a long day....

B

WEN review

(eye makeup is subtle today)

Ok, so on to the review. This is the 3rd time I've used the WEN hair care system. The first two days I tried it I was a little skeptical, and little freaked out that the "shampoo" didn't lather up or bubble. But today's application convinced me.

I dried and styled my hair using my own products (drugstore items). I can run my fingers through my hair, it doesn't feel "heavy" like it's not clean at the roots, and it's unbelievably shiny. I'm impressed.

But just to make sure I'm totally "happy" with this system, I'll take another picture of my hair tomorrow to see if it still appears and feels clean after 1 day.

As far as today, I'm hooked. I don't think I'll ever put another product on my hair after using WEN.....

happy thoughts today: Walt coming home; clean and beautiful hair; puppy snuggles; Mary Kay orders arriving at my door; sunshine.

Zumba

So I ordered the Zumba Express from an infomercial, and it finally arrived yesterday. Today is day #1 of my Zumba workouts.



I did the cardio workout, and it kicked my butt. It's not the actual workout that is hard (you know, finding the modivation and actually moving), but the actual dance steps you have to learn in order to do the workout. It's fun for a workout, and something I would want to do alone for awhile. I thought I was very coordinated, but found out I am not. At least no one was here to make me feel self conscious. If I can master these workouts, maybe I'll think about taking an actual class when we move to Las Vegas.

Overall, I think the instructors understand that not every has the "rythym" needed to do these workouts and are very patient in teaching. That helps. Today was only day 1.....my butt hurts if that is any indication of what tomorrow will bring....

B

Daytime TV

It's sort of an oxymoron really...."daytime tv".....

I remember when I was a kid and my mom was a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). She watched "All My Children" religiously, and I would sit and watch with her. Never mind that I had absolutely NO clue what the hell was going on. It was just the thing to do.

When we visited my grandmother in West Virginia, she had her "stories." I think she watched Guiding Light, but I don't remember. I think that's it though. Stories adequately describes these shows.

When I became a Homemaker/SAHM myself, I copied my new sister in law and started watching the "Young and the Restless." It was really all we had to talk about, and being a young wife I tried to forge relationships with my new family. So my love affair with YNR began.

Off and on over the years I've had opportunities to watch in "religiously", and was faithful. So much so, even my husband knows the main characters on the show. (this is a fact he will forever deny) I decided that since I am newly unemployed, I will watch it again.

All I have to say is YIKES! There's no way I'll not watch it because it's like a train wreck....you can't help but watch. But can I just say that the story lines suck, the characters aren't believable anymore, and how dumb do they think their viewers are? I'm disappointed, but faithful and will probably always watch it when I have the chance.

I won't apologize for that, but will admit I'm somewhat ashamed. As for the shows/programs on during the day (before and after my "story")....WTF????? Besides the Travel/History/Food channels, there are only lawyer shows, dying soaps, and crap on tv. I do have to confess that at 4pm, I switch to Judge Judy no matter what I am watching. She's a riot, and I can't help myself. Her snarky-ness and tenacity just makes me laugh. People have NO clue when they agree to appear on her show and have their cases heard by her. Holy cow!! She's amazing, but I wouldn't want to meet her in a dark alley OR a court room LOL

What's up with these people that have 20 kids? HELLO??? I'd be on tv too if I had that many kids. I'd need the money. I have stretch marks from having two children....can you imagine the train of marks on those women? Don't get me started on the woman that had 6 babies and is now cashing in on them. Although I have to say (I'm not admitting watching though ) that the show is much better without the husband. I'm just saying....

Currently, I am watching "Say Yes to the Dress". Ok, I'm not a bride, bride to be, don't know anyone getting married, thinking about getting married, or something even close....but I can't help but watch these bridzillas torment these sales directors. Not to mention the people that attend with the brides are just hilarious. NO WAY could I be in the industry. I'd kill someone...or at the very least, never make a sale. People just have no clue at times what looks good, and they are NOT shopping for my honesty.

So that was my Day #2 of retirement.....Holy crap.....I need to get busy tomorrow. Busy is good....but I can't promise that the crappy shows won't be on in the background somewhere.....I can't help it.....it's just what you do. Well, no....I could read....knit....or doing something else than this....but then what would I blog about? Or complain.....life would be boring.

Tomorrow.....back to school memories.....heee heee....

things that made me smile today: emails from beloved friends; clean hair without washing it; iced tea made in my Kurieg; a good nap; and my migraine medication helping with the headache although its not 100% gone....

B

Day 2

I just said good-bye to Walt as he heads out the door to catch the bus for work. I feel a little depressed.

I didn't sleep that great, so maybe I'm just sleepier than usual. Being a morning person, I don't find myself looking for a nap until later in the day. But I'm still so sleepy.

I had a terrible rash on my hands (I personally think it's shingles....but haven't had an official diagnosis) that itched and then created a very red and sore finger. Cleaning yesterday irritated the rash, and then it was painful. I found some medication that I had gotten awhile back and that has given me some relief. Sucks. I don't think I'll be cleaning today just to allow the rash to heal a little more.

Looks like it's going to be another sunny day.....nice. I love this time of year in Seattle. It's not too hot but the weather is pleasant and warm in the afternoons. It's not that crazy, hot weather that makes it hard to sleep at night.

thoughts: itchy fingers; cuddly puppies; yummy coffee; NO WORK; packing that needs to be done; greek yogurt; morning news; going back to sleep....

B

AAAHHH......!!!!

Ok, so I sort of understand why I had a job......I have not had anyone to talk to all day. Of course the dogs listen very well, but the lack of response is killing me!! I should be enjoying the peace and quiet, and I find myself missing the craziness of work and being busy all day.

I cleaned today, which was long overdue. I didn't get very far, but I did get something accomplished. I also filmed my very first video blog on You Tube....needs some tweeking, but overall, I think it was ok. It's a start. It was fun...

So, that was day #1. Interesting.....a bit boring...ok, a lot boring. Hopefully tomorrow will be much better and more productive.


Things that made me smile today: the internet; yummy coffee; a clean bathroom; Judge Judy; sunshine and a warm breeze through the windows; puppy love....

B

WEN Hair Care

(this is my girl Katy)

I tried a new hair product. It's the WEN hair care system. This is the second time I've applied the product to my hair for cleansing. I dried and styled my hair using my own mousse for hair protection.

I find my hair to be soft, clean, and manageable. I can actually run my fingers through my hair, and in the past this wasn't so easy since my hair was dry due to coloring. I'm actually impressed. Usually the beauty care products I've purchased in the past from infomercials weren't worth all the hype given on the infomercial. I'm very happy with how my hair looks and feels.

I'll post an update regarding this product just to make sure today wasn't a fluke.

Makeup: K Von D eyeshadow in greens and cream colors; eyeline in emerald green; Face by Mary Kay

Until next time....

My Life

Or better name "just me talking about myself all the time"...which, if you already know me, happens a lot. This should be easy...right?

So today is the first day of my temporary retirement. The list of things to get done in the next month is long, yet I find myself wanting to just sit and appreciate this feeling....and do NOTHING. What's wrong with me. I must still have the frame of mind that I need to plan each and everything I have to do in order to accomplish them around my work schedule. Having no work schedule is freaking me out. Other than periodic days off and vacations, I've worked with no breaks for the last three years. Wierd.

So what the hell do I do. The packing and cleaning that has to be done is a given.....but when that gets boring, what the hell do I do? I do have some knitting that I'd love to get done. I'm working on a beautiful throw. I was knitting to relieve stress....? Wow....what a concept. I have a dozen books that I've wanted to read but put aside because I know that once I get involved, putting them down would be near impossible. See.....the list of what I "want" to do is so much longer the list of things I "have" to do. ack!!!

Totally made Walt watch the Kardashian marathon again yesterday, and the season opener last night. Why am I so suddenly interested? Reality tv hasn't been my thing until recently. Shout out to Shannon....it's ALL your fault LOL I foresee a lot of tv hours in my future. It's been a long time since I stayed awake past 9pm.....this could be interesting.....Kim is my favorite although Khloe makes me laugh. Did I really just say that??? Oh Boy!

New product I've tried that I received last week. Wen Hair Care. I used it once, and my hair felt soft and amazingly clean. (since the product does not bubble up like shampoo) I didn't feel like I needed to wash it yesterday because it still felt very clean, and I had it up in a hair scrunchie anyway. Will use it again today.....update later.

My Zumba should be here by tomorrow. That's going to be my daily workout from here on out. Now that my routine is new, I think I need to do something to help supplement my new eating routing. Weight Watchers was so easy when Walt and I were eating all our meals together. New challenges. I'm up for it. Zumba is ANOTHER infomercial purchase. I swear I'd buy anything as long as it was involved in a catchy commercial. Maybe in another blog I'll do a review of the numerous other products I've purchased off the television.

I've been considering starting a dog walking business once we get to Las Vegas. I know....that's NOTHING like what I've done for the last 20 years.....but no stress and I get exercise. I'm going to look into it, and research revenue possibilities and benefits. If not that, I'll just get a job at a doggie daycare. I'm all for a job that has less stress.....we'll see how I accomplish that....I live for stress......

random thoughts for today: retirement.....is the hype really that great?; morning tv.....disappointing; I miss Walt....this too shall pass LOL......;allowing myself ONE day of relaxation before the real fun begins; friends....couldn't live without them; arranging my day around watching Judge Judy LOL; imagining life in Vegas....easy....; I actually miss not getting ready for work....will this pass too???; how did I life without my Kurieg in the past?; going back to sleep.......ah the choices.

So that's it's for now....with all this time to choose what to do with should take me a day or so to figure out.....I'm sure I'll be posting here a lot more.....watch out.....

Peace Out....B

Picture

It's been awhile since I've posted a picture of me.....35 pounds gone....yay me!!

Ok, so that's me and my work boyfriend Melvyn the Shred It Guy......(love you Walt LOL)

Feeling great....and getting there....Life is good.

You Tube

I have become a You Tube junkie. I have learned more in the last week than I ever dreamed I would. Everything from eyeshadow to what's the latest perfume. You can find a video for anything there....literally.

I think I'd better find something more constructive to do. Oh yeah, I need to get my butt moving and get this house packed. There is still so much to do before we're out of here.

Loves: You Tube (duh LOL); Keeping up with the Kardashians; my Jager boy (little cuddler); Tweeting; texting; kittens; makeup; and knowing we'll be in Vegas soon.

the end....

I really feel that tomorrow will bring something significant to an end, and I am handling it a lot than I thought it would. I was all cocky and big headed about leaving my job, and suddently I realize it is harder than I thought it would be.

I have met some of the most caring, creative, knowledgable people who have made one change or another in my life. It's hard to see it all change.

There's working with my husband. Day in and day out. 24/7. We literally live eat abd breath HealthPoint. We have very few breaks when we have conversations about anythingee else..

Tomorrow thiw chqapter comes to close. Walt will carry on for a while arter me. which is probably a good thing. I won't miss the stress, the dress codes, tattoo covers, lack of raises, and the politics that run rampant daily.

What I will miss is helping one of our patients actually get what they need ald are gappy; providing above average custmer servie that leaves ne with a huge sense of pride.

I will miss the drives to work with Walkt; having lunch with Walt and my peeps; coffee.....making a small different in the lives of our patients lives....miss seeing my friends Anne and Shnnon,.,..I knw those boootchges wull always be my friends.

Update tomorrow after I run out of the building at the end of the day......


Highlights for Health Point: Working with Walt; meeting Anne, Meeting Shannon;learning to knit....learning my tolerance for stupidity....love what I do.....feel good aobut it......peace out.

August

The month is half over.....time is flying by and there is still so much to do. My last day at work is the 20th, and then it'll be time to get serious about packing and getting ready to move.

I'm getting excited about the idea of being in Las Vegas again....the constant sunshine and having new things to do.

things that make me smile today: coffee in bed;puppy kisses;relaxing with Walt;beezy afternoon;losing weight;eat good; my profile.....