This phrase has been everywhere this year since the movie "Frozen" came out and had it's theme song sung by every child in the world.
I'm not great at letting "it" go. I've let go of people who've passed on when I was positive that I'd never be able to. It was a daily task to not cry or mourn any longer. Babies and close family members and friends are hard to let go, but you just learn to live until your alive again. It's with so much support and prayer that I have been able to let them go. That's not to say they aren't a part of my daily life any longer, but I can remember them with a smile rather than tears.
I've let go of a lot of anger that I've allowed people to plant in my soul. Anger is a festering wound that can eat you alive, and I refuse to let uncaring people do that to me. I've even let go of unhealthy relationships that didn't enhance my life but caused hurt and mistrust. It's just not easy to do.
What has had me thinking lately about letting "it" go is a conflict at my job. One person. One issue. For a long time I really got to thinking that there might be something missing where I cannot get a long with this person. I'd been warned about her over and over, but I thought there is something good deep down in her hard exterior. I kept trying. It wasn't until I had the truth in black and white that I realized this person truly has hate in her heart, and it wasn't just a broken bridge that could somehow be fixed. What I learned was this person is a very dark souled person, and it's almost scary. People said, "just play nice and she'll leave you alone," and I've seen it happen with others and myself.
It's time to truly let "it" go, and in this case it's the wondering why this person simply doesn't like me to the point of hurting me professionally as well as personally. I can't fix this very broken person or even the work relationship. It's not a battle of the personalities any longer. She stalked my personal social media sites looking for dirt. I have the proof and it still amazes me. It also makes me very sad. Maybe sad isn't the right word. I have compassion for her that she could be so miserable in her own life that she'd find reasons to ruin someone else.
I will let "it" go.....this hateful beast that has tried to weaken me. I'm not weak. I hold the proof, yet....I would never use it. Because it would surely tear her world to shreds and I couldn't do that. Not even to simply prove a point or to be right. She knows I know it was her. She probably knows I have the proof. Her smugness and ignorance keeps her from seeing the reality of her actions. She's help tarnish the reputation of other co-workers, albeit they allowed her to. I'm not interested in personal relationships with those people, but spending as much time as I do with them, I'd like to think I can trust them to be trustworthy on the job.
A month ago when all of this drama started with this person, I reached a point where I'd just had enough. Our supervisor wasn't doing anything, and so far, the director hasn't either. But I did give it to God. I asked for an answer or a way to deal with this without losing or lowering myself to this dark person's behaviors. This morning I woke up with that cute little song in my head. Yes, it is still everywhere but in my own circles, I never hear it. But there it was in my mind this morning. "Let it Go," as clear as a bell.
God does answer prayers in due time and maybe not in the way you want or expect. I'd worried about this issue for a long time, and taken so much of it to heart. No longer. I really feel free of the darkness and anger that this person so freely wanted to engage with me. Whatever happens, I know I always try to do the right thing and the last thing anyone could call me is "spiteful or evil."
Now I know what you're thinking. "Here's another religious freak..blah blah blah." I couldn't be farther from that, and I could probably use a Sunday or two at church. I have many people in my life who have encouraged me to "give it to God," and "Be the better person," but let's be real. That's hard. But those loving and spiritual people are right. It just took me a little longer to get it and move on.
I'm accountable for ONLY my actions, thoughts and deeds. I have a deep ability to forgive and I think that's what I'm supposed to do here. Forgive this mean person for being mean to me. It's that simple. She doesn't own me or my feelings. I can't express into words how deep that is for me. It's just one of life's Epiphany's that you can't explain. A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No matter what happens to this person professionally at work with regards to her actions no longer affects me. Even if it's not what "I" personally want to happen. She knows that she's not a nice person, even though she's convinced herself otherwise. Karma. It's that what happens to all of us? There's a quote from one of my most favorite movies, "The Color Purple."
Celie: I'm poor, black, I might even be ugly, but dear God, I'm here. I'm here.
This quote has always resonated with me. In reality, the truth the quote is that she's African American. She might have been poor too, but she was so rich in love and belief that something good, someday, would happen to her. Dear God I'm here. So am I. I've got to just keep doing the best I can and leave the ugliness alone. So whatever happens, here I come life. I'm going to live until I'm alive again in that place.
Don't ever let someone take your good spirit away. Talk to someone about letting it go. If you have no one, email me (bsawusch@Hotmail.com) But remember always, you're loved by more people than you know and one hateful person does not define you.
B~
