Life as I know it

I've been sitting here reflecting everything that's happened in the last ten years, and it exhausts me. I ask myself, "Is this the path I was meant to follow?"

It has to be. I can't see anyone else walking in my shoes. Nor would I wish it on anyone. Furthermore, I wouldn't want to share the experiences. This life is MINE.

It hasn't all been without its bumps and valleys. I've certainly experienced more than some people, and far less than others. I'm blessed and cursed all at the same time.

Ten years ago this month, my marriage took a turn that I never imagined it would. My husband had a girlfriend who was refusing to accept that I also wanted him, and deserved him a lot more than she did. She was so wrapped up in her own wants/needs that she failed miserably to consider what her actions might be doing to a totally innocent party. Of course, Walter wasn't without his humongous fault in the whole "affair."

The months that followed were hell, to say the very least. It was also my opportunity to grow as a woman, person, mother, daughter, and friend.
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Fast forward to July 2001. Seattle here we come. Not that I had a choice. I couldn't live in Las Vegas anymore. The memories and the chance I might run into "her" were more than I could handle. Walt had choices though. He could come with us, or he could stay.

You know what his choice was, and one I might say was probably the smartest decision he'd ever made in his life.

The years that followed were filled with many thousands of tears. We lost my Dad not even a year after we moved to Seattle, and then two years later, Walt's dad passed away suddenly. By 2007 my mother was also gone. So many important people in our lives to lose in such a short period of time. Yet, we survived. Who knew we could weather such heartache, let alone together.

We lost pets, dreams, family members (not in the "lost" sense but lost relationships), but grew closer together. Through all the loss, we gained mountains of trust, sensitivity, courage, and love. Yes, love. I can honestly say that I not only love this man I am married to, but I am IN love with him. Everything about him fills me with joy.....yes, yes.....even the things that annoy me I love. I love them because it's all a part of what makes up Walter. If he didn't drive me nuts or annoy me at times, where would we be? Perfection is not possible, but we're pretty darned close.

Now we are down to three weeks before we embark on yet another adventure aka BIG MOVE. I'm scared to death, yet filled with excitement. Change is hard, but necessary. The ironic thing is that we're going back to where all my worst nightmares were realized. However, we go back completely different people. Newly "remarried" people, childless (the kids are living on their own), older, thinner, stronger, and the best of friends. It's amazing.

This is my life as I know it....today. I can only imagine what lay ahead in the future. It's the not knowing part that makes life so exciting. It's not knowing that makes each day worthwhile, and a challenge. One thing I do know for sure. Walt is my best friend, and will be there until the end. No matter where we end up, we'll be there together. My girls will grow as women......and someday understand why I've been so neurotic where they are concerned. (ok, that was two things)


best Walter memories: Becky Chasko Day; wedding day; trip to NYC; comforting me while I grieved my parents; first kiss at the Hacienda; waking up after surgery and seeing his face; moving into our first house together; vow renewal; working together; vacation to Mexico; cruising; road trips; strong hugs.....to be continued......