When I was younger, I was pretty fearless. Not a whole lot bothered me, and I would move head on into adversity and challenges. I'm not as fearless as I once was, and I am trying to learn to deal with it better.
I'm worried all the time. I worry about everything. It consumes me. Instead of just rolling with it, I obsess and drive myself nuts. There are so many things I have literally NO control over, worrying seems for nothing. I can't control all things....another thing that drives me nuts.
Right now, my biggest concern is this background check being conducted so that I can start my new job. I've never had to worry about this type of thing, and until a couple of weeks ago hadn't given my resume and its contents much thought. This background check is thorough and it scares me. Why....I don't know. There isn't really anything there that could be used against me. Other than my saying I have two AA degrees. This alone could come back to haunt me. As I type this, I feel clammy and sick to my stomach. I HAVE to get this job. We need the money......yet another thing to worry about.
Walt's job is up in the air with managers and directors leaving. What lay ahead for him is unclear.....and it worries me. I know he's looking diligently to find a more permanent position. He's not given up on searching for the right job.
How do I step back and just let things happen as they are going to....I cannot wave my wand and make everything turn out the way I think they should......yet it makes be nuts that I can't. It's going to be a long week!!! I'm supposed to start my new job on the 7th...just one week!! I get to wear REAL clothes and dress up....I am so excited about that.
Dear Lord, thank you so much for all the blessings you have given us. We are blessed by your grace and those you have lead into our lives. Watch over Walt as he heads into the working world, surround my girls with your love. Please give me the strength to get through this week. In your Loving Name.....Amen.
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